Posts

You need not be a victim,nl!

/1 Comment/by

Onderzocht is dat de meeste mensen 95% van hun tijd aan drama besteden en 5% in essence, drama drama queens and kings and so we are unconscious victims of the rubbish we get in and who thus opens again.

Inspired by an article in English by Melody Beattie, I suppose you are a victim or victim feel very often an illusion and not your reality, it is a lie that you tell yourself, it's stupidity where Einstein also talks about

einstein

Your self-image may consist of a feeling of not being able to life, do not have in hand and thus to be the victim of. Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness our subconscious programming, that causes your mind to victimization become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your thoughts are clear and creative forces materialize

It can be such a habit to feel your victim even if you good things happen to you negative reaction, bijvoorbeeld:

-A new car and you say that he was too expensive and requires a lot of maintenance and consume a lot of gasoline

-You can and should do some shopping and you say that you are the spool that you should do that instead of a lucky and blessed

-A woman had a beautiful, spacious house and complained that it was a lot of work to keep it tidy and clean

-Attention seen as an intrusion in your privacy rather than as a form of love

-Building shelters in high winds, see the tile;

tile wind

We can all possibilities continue to see the difficulties and stuck in a negative energy

You then need Popeye moment, which is when Popeye has plenty of misery and spinach to its responsibilities and takes action. Whether it has to be worse, then we must first touch the ground to bring about change

more pain

We must learn to fix our borders and to monitor, learning to say no to and dare to be angry to reinforce our words

We must learn to be more assertive, the aspects which are all already in our, only hidden from us, often we need a therapist or coach to get it up and make us aware of our true selves, change will be necessary, Darwin also says that:

darwin

Claim responsibility for your life and happiness, Claim your power, Speak your needs and fulfill them, know what you want and do not want, no longer accept the unacceptable, let yourself be dominated by one, because that is not love, but an act of violence against you

Do not say you can not do it, because that you program yourself again. Ford zei: "Those who say they can not and they may be saying both equal!’

To feel a victim, many people will overcompensate and may be a 'noble' helper (which depends for its well-being of victims) or a prosecutor who lets define his thoughts and feelings by one who accuses him of what he denounces

Thus, both the prosecutor and the hellper also displace victim for selected. (see my book The Drama Triangle, in which the roles are described in detail).

Get away from the drama triangle and find the love triangle and develop your mastery. The true master is masterful student. I coach you like to mastery and art of living

To step you must be willing to change the victim, Shakespeare gods: "The readiness is all '

Buddha change

We are often afraid of change, the unknown, which alone could make it known to us anxious. The resistance is indeed the most painful and miserable because you thereby maintains the neurosis and rigid, star is then more dead than you are alive, a zombie, living dead

Where can a victim of its:

-narcisten

-cheaters and liars

-scammers

-indoctrination

-conditioning from your childhood

-dictatorial behavior

-backstabbers

-neuroten

-stress

-obsessive-compulsive behavior

-stuck in your head, niet voelen (You have to feel to heal!)

-victims

-neurotic helpers, help-a-holics

-prosecutors

-fundamentalists, fanatics

-bureaucrats

-etc.

summarizing: How do we free ourselves from the victim:

-by becoming aware that we are spiritual beings having a human experience rather than those with a spiritual experience

-that we are created in the image of God and therefore are gods

-by taking responsibility for your life and well-being and happiness

-by being assertive and set limits and monitor

-by giving less attention to drama and more essentials

-letting go of old patterns to make room for healthy new gedachyten and feelings

complaints

Bron: Boek Verrijkende Inzichten – Henny Bos, verschijnt juni 2016 bij Uitgeverij Boekenbent (voorintekenprijs is 20 euro in plaats van 25 euro, dus 20% korting!)

Regrediëren

/by

Regress means that we return to an earlier developmental stage of our lives and so do the players in the drama triangle constantly.

They are again demanding child(aanklager) or internalized rightly pointing older(aanklager) or internalized caring parent(redder/helper) or the abused child or verontachtzame(slachtoffer).

Jeru Kaball wrote in his Clarity Process all about the fact that we are all still in essence as the 5 year-old child and that our essence has not developed further and is much in it. We often develop just spend our personality without much attention to our essence. Gurdjieff also pointed out already that we work too little to our essence and in many ways with him

We do not listen to the wise and think they know it better. Bruno Groening said: "He who strikes the board pointing in the wind is beyond help '. Such a person hangs or shoots back in earlier stages of development and thus regresses.

When we are offended or unfairly treated triggers often our ancient past hurts and we react based on that old pain rather than to give a response from our adult self.

In the reaction, on the other, there is often question of transfer and displacement. We treat the other innocent as if he is having done to us what, while in just past by another that happened again regress. It is quite common and most of us do not even know the word does not even to my thick Dale!.

We must nurture our inner child, but need not be childish and as a child to react now we are mature. If we respond mature we get this automatically from the drama triangle, because that the adult does not participate.

Americans are either over reenactment again knocking out old unresolved childhood traumas we suppressed. This is done repeatedly until we understand what's going on. Freud had to say about the repetition compulsion and the French: 'The story repeats itself'.

During regression therapy we go back to our youth aware you still be aware of your childhood traumas and process them now and transform.

If we do nothing, we walk away from the old pain of our youth and we displace it to the subconscious which is stronger than the 9x conscious and therefore often determines our behavior with all the unpleasant consequences.

Process and then transforms to play your childhood traumas rather than running them in the drama triangle, switching possibly a counselor, coach or therapist, but do what I can recommend.

Bron: Book The Drama Triangle’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt medio 2013)

Macht en manipulatie

/by

In the drama triangle power and manipulation play a major role. Nietzsche had already Der Wille zur Macht 'that characterizes the ego. The ego that wants to play lead and playing in the drama triangle. The ego manipulates to his own way and equal to want. Machiavelli said: "The end justifies the means" and that creed used in the triangle.

George Simon Jr. -Ph.D. wrote the beautiful book 'in sheep's clothing - understanding and dealing with manipulative people' George scored points when he says that the wolves clothe themselves in sheep's clothes and appear innocent. They are often eloquent, charming and can with flattering words you get exactly where they want you have. They're without you watch that pull down and frustrate. If you do not know you can hurt and damage. All of which you are not aware you can hurt and you can win the slave and victim to be.

The prosecutor manipulates his behavior and words themselves have power. The rescuer feels deep inside worthless and wants power over the victim to feel still worth something. The victim manipulated by doing pathetic, crying and his helplessness in which he saddles the rescuer with guilt anyway to help. He ensures that the rescuer feels guilty if he does not help the victim and the victim seizes power.

If possible victim also allows for the rescuer is a bad man will feel if he does not help the victim with his misery, he still causing himself and he clean up another late. Goethe gods: "The worst thing that a human being can happen is that he is going to feel bad about themselves'

If the rescuer notices that the plaintiff victims in his place put the rescuer will sue the prosecutor and thus itself become a prosecutor and if not then helps victims. And so the circle goes on forever.

Only he who feels powerless wants power, we often want what we do not have rather than to be happy and thankful for / with what we have.

In the drama triangle is about power over others rather than the power of something and yourself.

We play in the drama triangle games with each other. The prosecutor like playing the "Now-I-Have-You-Ellen Sharing, Rescuer play "Look-Once-The-well.I-Ben 'and the victim play" Poor-I "and" Look-Once-What-You-Me-If-Lets-Do'., these are some of the many games we play.

Eric Berne wrote the book "Games people play" bad translated into Dutch by 'Ludo', it is a recommended book to be aware of the games that you play and you them to loosen and real and to be authentic.

Bron: Book The Drama Triangle’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt medio 2013)

Rollen in de TA en dramadriehoek

/by

WHAT WE ROLL PLAY T.O.V. OUR PARTNER?

Uit de Transactionele analyse(TA) kennen we de rollen Ouder, Adult and Child, the rollers in each other are as follows:

 

PARENT: If you behave like your parents / guardians did.

ADULT: If you behave, think and feel in a way that suits the realities of the present and the person you are NOW, in accordance with the possibilities you have NOW. (This has however nothing to do with an adult: a child 6 can also assume the adult role).

KIND: If you behave, thinks and feels like when you were a child.

We usually frequent change of role, but there are also people who mainly play a particular role and / or exclude another role.

If A is in the role of parent and is focused on the child in B, B can not react as adult to adult A, but must itself or as a child or as a parent preparing to meet and to create report.

FIXING AND subversive SIDE OF THE ROLES:

PARENT: FEEDING: worry, be- & encourage, watch out for the other. CRITICAL: prohibit, patronize, areas, check, overstelpen, slash, ignore, smaller, beleren. LIMITS: overschrijd de grenzen van anderen nogal eens

ADULT: POSITIVE: Record information, accept the situation, think logically, plan, realistic in the now, empatisch, loving. NEGATIVE: calculate, uninvolved, detached, void. LIMITS: healthy boundaries that can open and close as needed, flexible en dynamic

KIND: FREE: impulsive, spontaneous, creative, lerende capaciteit. NEGATIVE: claiming, egocentric, childish. OBEY of REBELS: docile / adjusted or oppositional (= As adjusted!).. LIMITS: has its limits not

THE DRAMA TRIANGLE: MAKES & MANIPULATION.

(reactions from the rolls PARENT & KIND. The adult role does not participate here).

PROSECUTOR:

Sees the other as inferior and not okay.

Kleineert de other.

Is accusatory

Reproaches.

Is evil without positive desire for change.

Violating the limits of the other

The prosecution says & thinks & feels example:

“Now I've got you…”

“You're doing it all wrong.

“If you / the world was different…”

“I have warned you….”

“If you do not do what I say….”

“To you I have nothing…”

“You're a bad partner / husband / father….”

“I want to get my gram…”

“You have done me vanalles”

 

REDDER:

Sees the other as inferior and not okay.

Responds by offering help from a superior position.

Sees the other as helpless.

Gives himself the right / duty to help (even without the other person helps itself).

Provides assistance that keeps dependent / make.

Overestimated themselves and underestimated the other.

Violating the limits of the other

 

The Saviour says & thinks & feels example:

“I'm trying to just help”

“Why do not you…”

“What you need to without me…”

“It is in your own interest”

“Let me do it”

 

VICTIM:

Sees himself as inferior and not okay.

Complains without taking responsibility.

Keeps / makes them unnecessarily dependent.

Underestimate themselves and overestimated others.

Let violating its limits

 

Victim says & thinks & feels example:

“I do not know / can it not / do not get it….”

“It is so hard…”

“Poor me…”

“Yes but….”

“Shovel & lettuce & but insults, I deserve it…”

“You know how it all better than I”

“You're always so me on my neck”

“You always nag”

“I can never do it right”

“It's all up to me”

 

Casualties

You feel you are a victim of everything around you. You often speak in terms of 'yes, but', "I happen to be so ',"I am the way it is busy ', "I can do nothing to do ' , ‘het komt door de kredietcrisis/de overheid/de ander’,etc. In short: Victims like to complain and often feel less than others. They also often feel resentful because their adaptive behavior does not produce the result they would like to see, they are self-effacing in hopes be rewarded and that does not work and this leads to resentment and anger

Prosecutors

You fall another happy verbally with words and phrases like; 'You're so forgetful ", 'To you I have nothing', "I annoy me a lot of you ', "You can not even stop that whining" etc. Prosecutors drop others, always know better and often place themselves above others. The prosecutor says the other person what he or she should think, feeling and doing and wants to control the other.

Rescuers / helpers

You help others too numerous and too happy and you take your responsibilities that do not belong to you. You solve problems too happy to colleagues, find it hard to delegate and loves to harmony. Rescuers do not go like conflicts. Rescuers do not understand that if they never learn the other person to take responsibility for their lives, they are taking over the other and it is quite presumptuous and patronizing and arrogant and there lies so inferiority among, the shadow side of the Enneagram type helper is the feeling I'm not worth anything. They think they can derive their value from their helping behavior and try to take it so outside, where it is not to be found.

The trick is to get the subtlety to go see the roles in your work / life. This is only when you look very honestly at yourself and see that every day many times is in the drama triangle.

Here, too, is changed from time to time of roll.

For example:

Victim has at some point had enough of the Saviour or the Prosecutor. Then he / she can stand up and assume the role of prosecutor. The Saviour or prosecutor then takes often the role of victim to: “I'm trying to just help.” (formerly the Savior) of “What have I done so wrong?!” (formerly the Prosecutor).

STEPS HOW WE OUT HERE?

Tips for PROSECUTOR:

Provide and / or ask for feedback and do want to influence a step back rather than the lives of others, command & check. Respect the limits of the other.

Tips for the SAVIOUR:

Help to tune the other by help the others and take responsibility for yourself instead. only for the other. And see that the other self must take its responsibilities and provide assistance only when prompted, and thus violating the borders of other non.

Tips for VICTIM:

Be realistic and responsible for your own life instead. merely pointing to the other. Pay more attention to your limits, Be assertive and respect your limits.

Bron: Espavo – Sylvia Slegers, met heel wat aanvullingen van mij. Dit artikel zal worden opgenomen in de brochure ‘Persoonlijke grenzen en codependentie’ dat in 2012 will appear

 

 

 

 

Drama driehoek

/by

De dramadriehoek komt veel voor in codependentie en dan spelen we afwisselend de rollen van redder/helper en dan aanklager/vervolger en slachtoffer Ik heb daar zelf ook een ervaring mee opgedaan en lees daarover voor op de volgende geluidsopname van ca. 5 minutes, It is tragicomic

Karpman Drama Triangle (drama triangle,,af,The drama triangle is common in codependency and then we play alternating roles of savior / helper and then prosecutor / persecutor and victim that I also have experience with it and read about it for the next recording of ca,,nl,source,,nl,CD reading about codependency Henny Bos,,nl,savior Archives,,nl)

bron: CD lezing over codependentie Henny Bos