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If criticism hurts
/by Henny Bos
Hello,
My new book is out:
Preface:
Everyone gets to make in his life with criticism, my experience with more than 1.000 people is that there is not always handled as sensible. Too often we shoot in a fierce reaction of defending from or launches a counterattack. With all the negative and destructive consequences.
Consider what you do with criticism: fight, flight or freeze your. Shoot you in a fierce reaction or give you a response straight from your heart if you pull your back. This awareness this book contributes.
This book is intended to inform you about the- and disadvantages of criticism and thus how to best deal, without harm and even to take advantage with it.
many leather- and reading!
Henny Bos, October 2019
www.hennybos.com
Ordering is done at www.hennybos.com
I pay the postage
Sincerely,
Henny Bos
Correct
/by Henny BosCorrect an ego and he will feel attacked and clearance and do not like you.
He will not accept your correction and think they know themselves better.
He sees difficulties in opportunities.
He mirrors your ego and stubbornness, now if i past…
They are often pundits and fundamentalists. They think they know the truth and feel….
Correct an awakened and he will thank you for your love for him.
He will take the correction of heart, because of its open attitude and learning capacity. He sees opportunities in difficulties.
He reflects your openness, lerende capaciteit, wisdom and love. Now and in the future….
These are often people who accept life with its ups and downs and eclectics. Troubadours coming from trouver d'or or the finders of gold…
They know that truth is dynamic and often paradoxical and a pathless land, as Krishnamurti my view rightly, which you can make your way.
‘To be or not to be that is the question!’
The answer: ‘To be without to be?’.
Distrust people think, know and feel what is THE truth and who impose.
Follow those who seek truth and occasionally something discover and share with you.
What people flip you the most?
A narcissist once said about himself: "I am clean and pure and only love!’. That proved to be reaction formation, either show the opposite and mirroring what is really, was dominance, hebzucht, egocentrism in zelfhaat. The narcissist deserves compassion, but will not assume or reject and call you a narcissist(-).
On TV was a commercial with an office scene. Colleagues were cakes Annie eating. said a colleague: "Sorry Annie but that cake of yours is not hachelen!’. The other colleagues nodded in agreement. Instead of mirroring the criticism and to return said Annie: "Thanks for the feedback!"A great answer, I think.
Iemand met kritiek kan je beste vriend blijken te zijn
/by Henny BosGeïnspireerd door een artikel van Vernon Howard over je beste vriend, schrijf ik dit artikel.
Je denkt namelijk dat je de beste vriend van jezelf bent en dat je ‘goed’ bent en het goede doet en zoekt vrienden die dat geïdealiseerde zelfbeeld van je bevestigen. Door je onbewustheid en onwetendheid(die je ontkent) doe je eerder het kwade dan het goede en je zogenaamde vrienden doen vrolijk mee en corrigeren je niet. De Bijbel zegt het ook: ‘We willen het goede maar doen het kwade!’..
We zoeken adhesie, bevestiging voor hoe we nu zijn en willen dat in stand houden, alles bij het oude, vertrouwde houden en je vrienden houden je ziekte in stand. Je hebt echt iemand nodig die je wijst op je fouten, misvattingen, onbewustheid, illusies om wakker te kunnen worden…
Iemand die genoeg van je houdt om een eventueel confict met je aan te willen gaan, geen persoon die meehuilt met de wolven in het bos, geen slijmbal. Je zogenaamde vrienden zijn vaak vijanden voor je ware, spirituele Zelf, doordat ze je ego complimenteren en steunen en bekrachtigen. Ze belemmeren je daardoor in je groei en ontwikkeling en vinden het mooi dat je nog steeds dezelfde bent, waar het leven juist verandering is en dynamisch. Alles wat niet groeit is dood zei ik altijd als manager
In mijn leven heb ik het meest gehad aan de enkelingen die mij op mijn fouten durfden te wijzen en heb ik het meeste te danken aan kritische omstandigheden zoals mijn crisis met depersonalisatie, dan raak je echt de bodem is is de enige weg nog naar boven..Mijn depressie bleek een ware vriend te zijn in plaats van een vijand, hij bracht me naar mijn ware Zelf
Je zoekte vrienden die je bevestigen omdat je onzeker bent, geen vaste waarde hebt. Als je bevestiging nodig hebt dan twijfel je, ben je onzeker. En vrienden die je alleen maar bevestigen zullen je verachten en minachten en het spelletje meespelen. Je speelt vaak het spel dat Eric Berne in zijn boek ‘Games people play’ noemt: Kijk-Eens-Hoe-Goed-Ik-Ben’
Zoek een vriend of coach die je durft te confronteren en genoeg om je geeft om dat te doen om je naar je Ware Zelf te brengen, je moet vaak door de duistere nacht van de ziel, je negatieve en schaduwkanten gaan erkennen, exploreren en integreren en transformeren. Vaak is dat een hel waar je doorheen moet om in de hemel te komen.
Iemand met een waarheid aan het huilen brengen is inderdaad beter dan een leugen vertellen en daarmee iemand aan het lachen te maken Coelho heeft gelijk.
Een vrouw zei: ‘Ik heb het geluk gehad dat er één man in mijn leven was, genoeg om me gaf om me te wijzen op mijn waandenkbeelden en illusies, die waarheid durfde te vertellen, hij zorgde ervoor dat ik een echt, uniek en authentiek mens werd, een levenskunstenaar
Bedenk dat de mensen die je een desillusie bezorgen door hun kritiek je helpen, omdat een desillusie een stap dichter naar de waarheid is!!
Wayne Dyer zei: ‘Your soulmate is the person you can’t stand’. That's right, because only then you will see and notice you if you are in peace and harmony, or it can be disrupted. Then you feel unworthy and hurt. You're still not master of yourself, while another you still can press buttons he or she is a master for you!.
The ego part of us will always be right and will not accept another master. The Dalai Lama is more developed and even said the Chinese leader Mao who ordered or Tibet within tevallen, is his greatest teacher(!).
A Course in Miracles says: ‘Beware of the temptation to see yourself treated unfairly’. Is because you get the treatment you need. Like the last lines of "An answered prayer read: "I got nothing I asked why, I got everything I needed!’
Old wounds like compassion and attention, those old wounds are triggered by the critics and then you become aware of it and you can heal them..
take responsibility for your life and know that you attract what you need is sensible and wise.
Nelson Mandela said very nice, see picture:
Nelson's right, he would otherwise remain prisoner of his bitterness and hatred that would keep him in their power, and his thinking, feel and act would determine and then he would be a victim rather than master.
I often say: 'Everything is good!!’. Everything is meant to bring me to my true self and develop my potential, at least if I want to listen to the signals and I am willing to let go of the old. The old is attacked by the critic and that's a good thing which must disappear giving way to the new malken. As Jesus said,: "Behold I make all things new!’
Guy Finley zei: ‘The only way to be free of troublesomre people is to be free of the part of you that’s out looking for trouble’.
Again, this is true in my opinion again. I was then I flipped was bad for myself and people were too bad for me and I could give them or blame, but will not change the situation, I will have to change yourself to be friends with me and I decided, Now I get flipped again and the people are good to me.
Bron: Boek” ‘Verrijkende Inzichten’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt juni 2016 Book published by Bent)
Meer dan 400 pagina’s voor 27,50, als u nu bestelt betaal ik de verzendkosten
If criticism hurts….
/1 Comment/by Henny BosFor many people do criticize pain, it hurts their egos, because your true Self is not hurt because nothing human is alien to him, therefore, the negative not. So if you feel hurt after criticism than sure that you are not free but victim is in your ego.
What is that ego, when you are in your ego. A man asked a master what is egotism?. De meester zei: "You're an idiot and foolish to ask that, you understand about anything!’. The man was very angry and wanted to hit the master. "It is now egotism" replied the master.
Following the aphorisms that someone can not do as they say they can not stand criticism, a funny story. A woman had always disagreed with her husband and had always criticized, they decide to go to a therapist and the man explains that his wife has always criticized and never agree is, when the therapist asked the woman for her opinion, she said: "I do not agree!’
As long as you do not Hitler does not recognize in yourself you are very critical and does still hurt. Then put the devil and the negative even beyond your and reconcile God and the devil.
Don Miguel Ruiz, the Toltec said: "Barrel nothing personally!’, but you can also go see the criticism as a form of free advice and takes the edge off and painful aspects of it, then you do take advantage of criticism and learn them.
Your enemies point on your weakest areas, so you can know them and it is only right, So you can thank your enemy and love as the Bible rightly says.
As long as you're hurting, are you still a victim, lets you control your feelings by another and your impressions sensitive buttons by the critic, The pain we feel is often triggered, ongeheelde, supplanted old pain.
If you become angry because of criticism hits you in the defense of old pain that calls Ingeborg Bosch 'False power'. See my article on PRI(Past Realiity Integration and the inner child).
If you are sad because criticism is often the defense of old pain Primary immune from the PRI.
All defenses instead of accepting the criticism often says something about ourselves. I pointed a friend that he was quite in his head and that happiness is a feeling, so he may not be happy. He became furious(Valse power!) and did not speak to me for three months. After three months he was fortunately so brave to call me and tell me that I was right but that he did not handle truth, would not accept.
Name a common man mean and he will response to your critique you right immediately show. Name a realized human being mean and he will smile and say that indeed he sometimes can be mean but that is not usually, is usually friendly…
In response to criticism saying you think it is not true and that you are better than they claim. Freud zei: "We are better than we know, but worse than we thought "Do not believe everything you think.
Your feelings are determined in large part by erroneous thoughts and so listen to the Buddha who said: "Do right", so you have the thesis that negative thinking , the antithesis that positive thinking and the synthesis and that is correct thinking.
If criticism hurts and you have resistance, sitting there in just what else would you do anything. Lao tse zei : True words are often not pretty '.
Nobody can do mental pain or hurt if you do not allow yourself and realize that you are everything, are complete, both light and dark, you have the whole spectrum.
As long as your criticism hurts and hurts you is in a false, false self, an illusion, that ego is called.
Ask yourself what is the worst that they can say and then research or sometimes a repressed part of yourself, a shadow portion, which then may be placed into the light.
Aristotle said it very beautiful that you can avoid all criticism by doing nothing, to say nothing and be nothing;
I know a man that any criticism prejudice as a projection of the other and therefore ignores its own negative side, its shadow, he assumes that the other projecting on him. He displaces his negative side and so then prevails over him because the unconscious is 10x stronger than the conscious. It is fear which let him govern, fear to face his own dark side, anything you're not aware of dominion over you, why he reacts so strongly to criticism.
A narcissist called criticism arrogant shit of the other who that person himself but had to step down. A narcissist finds himself perfectly and grandiose, is wrong according to him, so nothing to him and the narcissist misses a chance to raise awareness, his fierce response to criticism indicates that it still hurts him..
You also have people who are quite upset by the criticism of others because it affects their idealized self-image. Lao Tse said if you care too much what someone else says about your life long are their prisoner
However, you can feel connected to who will recognize and other things. What is most personal is often the most universal. We are all created in God's image and therefore of the same kind, with more similarities than differences, it just depends on where you watch.
A talented friend of mine once said that everyone is always right and there's a lot in, namely, we do see the speck in the eye of the other…But if 1 person you call, you do there still nothing of pulling a horse like 2 person ones that do not just like 20 entities who do buy but hay and a saddle…
I always defended out at criticism, it was a form of self-justification and that is the truth in the way. I said, 'Yes, but' and then came with my objections why the criticism was unjustified, I did not realize that I could join my advantage if I could examine critically and be more aware…
Self-criticism can hurt, then we have a prosecutor, an inner critic in us that says we are not okay, not good enough, are stupid, being bad, etc…It's what PRI Primary defense calls a defense of old pain, were in our youth 9 of the 10 messages that we were negative and that we have internalized and repressed and unconsciously we drag with us and can be triggered by criticism…
There would be much less conflict and war as we took criticism seriously and would do what it takes to become aware instead of getting angry or sad. We want idealized self-image, that illusion at all costs maintain the detriment of our true Self and thus love, consciousness, peace and harmony, sereniteit, etc.
About serenity spoken. Cassiel is the angel of serenity and we may ask not to get more upset by criticism, by praise or blame, but that we have a healthy self-esteem with the embrace of our shadow side and that of the other
If you like the Sufi master Inayat Khan understands the criticism really you arrive at the wise words said: ‘Alles begrijpen, does love everything!’.
Most people shoot in a reaction when they get to give criticism instead of response from an understanding and loving heart. One who criticized, often also highly critical of herself and compassion is a response instead of a fierce reaction of anger and counterattack or sadness with which we try to manipulate others…
Khurshed Btliwalo Zee:
We are made by love
We are made of love
and we are made for love
And love is forgiving and understanding and does not blame if he criticizes another, but thanked him for that and share and give his love to the critic…
Kids bounce back immediately criticized by saying: "What you say is you!’. This is also known as, but if they miss a chance at self-knowledge and awareness and self-understanding and self-awareness, but yes there are also more children…
I often said in response to criticism: "What Peter says about Paul says more about Peter than about Paul ', this is also true but as I fended, just as a child, valuable information on and nothing it did not come to awareness and self-knowledge…
And if, After reading all this,, criticism still hurts, Go pain than to and learn from it and transform it. Amerikanen zeggen: ‘No pain, no gain!’. By avoiding the pijjn beach on one of the banks which Nisargadatta speaks and creates misery;
Between the banks of pain and pleasure,
the river flows.
Only when thinking and feeling
beaches on one of the banks
and not going with the flow,
creates misery
Nisargadatta
I am reminded of the remark that has never been a statue for a critic as a critic creates nothing, only commented and think you know yourself better..
If you many critics have in your environment is likely that you (onbewust) much criticism have on yourself and your environment reflects your, because I learned and know that the environment is the mirror of yourself.
With humor respond to criticism is fun. I said once again against a friend who is gay: 'If you complain that you're a pathetic', He then said with humor: "I and no pathetic , but a leg with a soul!’, I found it very witty.
Applying spiritual judo at criticism is ontwapendend. So when the other pushes his criticism not push back but come pull the other off balance. A woman called dumb blonde and moved along with the critic and she said: "It's much worse, I'm too dumb to dance for the devil, I do not care about anything, not even what you say now you want to explain '. The critic fell completely silent…
At a low self-esteem makes you much determine your thoughts and feelings with another and your self-esteem a yo-yo. When a compliment is increasing your self-esteem and negative criticism decreases your self-worth again, there is serenity needed and you may Cassiel, Angel Serenity invite into your life..
If you never get your criticism does not really alive and keep your back too much and you do not say what you think and feel, then you're more of a zombie, living dead. Then be happy when there is a critical time comes it is a proof that you dare to show yourself!
Fearing criticism dare not many of us to ask for feedback, Feedback is just a great way to adjust our course and to correct ourselves and our thinking to tighten and feel perfect
You may realize that the person who gives you criticism does on the basis of the image he has of you and you do not have that image. The Bible said it all: "Make me no picture ', We do not otherwise. That image will usually be biased because most people do not perceive pure but his neurotic. So their criticism relates only to their image and do nothing with you to have, investigation that. If you can look at so critical you can laugh and use only that the krtitiek you can help..
Criticism is an expression of commitment and care, as in the book "Caring enough to confront" state. If the other make has to deal with in a conflict he will give you even from that criticism, so you can see it…
You also have people who are hard to deny that criticism hurts them, while it is so, they displace it or have a plate upside down and pull out about anything and be antisocial
You may wonder when you receive criticism if it is meant to help you or to get you down and hurt, then you know enough, Go assured, however, that most people have good intentions and do things they think and feel that it is good for them.
How no direct criticism can hurt when you have heard through the grapevine that there criticizing you came. The people who do that are the sly, conniving people who are so clever that they never criticize you and your co-adhesives, but behind your back besmirch and negatively depicting, it is the backstabbers, They smile in your face you say the song…Beware of this artful and cunning serpents, they can not be trusted
These are the people who tell you gossip about others with negative information, beware, They will also talk about you to others and not exactly in a positive way…that can hurt
My credo is that every meeting and can take any situation and can learn if that does not succeed it and then you are always winners and never victims
Many criticisms truth and the Bible says: "The truth will make you free ', I add then that the truth will make you often first very angry because you want to recognize it and accept. Nietzsche zei: ‘Hoeveel waarheid kan een mens verdragen, how much truth he ventures!’
In a shop I saw the text: "Do you have criticisms, tell us, are you satisfied tell others', I found that very wise. Often a client does not criticize, but he just runs away to the competitor and that goes for friends and acquaintances. I gave one more time criticizing the food in a lunchroom and the woman defended just how good their food was and did nothing about learning, that is not a learning organization but a chilly, rigid, arid organization, I will never again
Brené Brown writes in her book 'Rising strong': There is no greater threat to the critics, cynics and fearmongers than those of us who are willing to fall, because we have learned how to rise’
That's great that you are showing resilience and always rebounds after criticism and are not afraid to attack and failure because you know you can get up and recover.
Brown also writes that opt for authenticity and dignity and you rid of resistance and opposition there is a revolution. That's right, most adapt to the masses. The individual is always real: Jesus, Buddha, Lao tse, Osho, Krishnamurti, Nisargadatta, etc. who dare to go their own way and are not afraid of criticism, there always comes for the great minds always encountered much criticism from mediocre minds who want to get the big ones to their mediocre low level.
Brown writes: If you choose a life of love with all your heart is an act of rebellion, you will make many people angry, confuse and scare incl. yourself'. People zijj indeed afraid of love as demonstrated by the following dialogue:
Learner: What is love?
Meester: That which drives out all fear!’
Leering: "What we are most afraid of?’
Meester: 'For the love!’
For fear of possible criticism suit many people but on the gray mediocrity and die with their music still in them, they never used their potential and hung on 5 until 10% exploit their potential, she wondered whether there is life after death and did not even live for death.
Vernon Howard zei: "There is a new fascinating life, but the old life shows not even the interest to investigate even!!"Does not stick too much value avn eventiuele the criticism coming from the gray mice, they are ignorant and unconscious thinking and know to have. The less people know, the more they think they know, their perception is distorted not pure
Very disguised criticism is the unsolicited advice, this is because it is assumed that your not going well, that you yourself are not able to take care of yourself, they bring it under the guise of love but it is preparing itself superior to you and pushing you down subtly, 'm not, and let your unconscious do not hurt, These are the meanest critics who pretend to be the good guys. Nietzsche said very nice: "Beware of the 'good guys' because they are the most poisonous flies that stabbing!!’
Bron: Boek: enriching Insights – Henny Bos (verschijnt juni 2016 Book published by Bent)
Interesting links
Here are some interesting links for you! Enjoy your stay :)Pages
- ‘Hoe gaat het?’, over de menselijke conditie
- ‘Over de waarde van onze fouten’
- 1.Ontkenning van codependentie
- Adresgegevens
- Aforismen
- Aforismen over bewustzijn
- Afrekenen
- Anderenwaarde, over codependentie
- Anger management
- Artikel over codependentie in Paravisie
- Artikel over levenskunst
- Artikelen
- Attitudinal healing
- Attitudinal healing literatuur
- Audio bewustwording epiloog
- Audio bewustwording introductie
- Audio bewustwording verdieping
- Audio lezing codependentie LETS 13-10-2011
- Audio lezing levenskunst Loil 2011
- Basiskennis van codependentie deel 1
- Basiskennis van codependentie deel 2
- Bewustwording
- Bewustwordings tips
- Blog
- Boek: ‘Anderenwaarde, over codependentie
- Boeken
- Brochure: Controle & codependentie
- Brochure: Een introductie in codependentie
- CD codependentie Peter de Kock en Henny Bos interviewen elkaar
- CD gespreksgroep codependentie 18-12-2011
- CD interview paravisie over codependentie
- CD lezing codependentie 13-10-2011 voor de LETS
- CD lezing levenskunst in Loil
- CD lezing over codependentie
- Coaching
- Codependente grappen
- Codependente wereld
- Codependentie
- Codependentie en het innerlijke kind
- Codependentie literatuur
- Codependentie test
- codependentie-definities
- Communicatie
- Contact
- Controleren en gecontroleerd worden
- CV
- Dankbaarheid
- Dankbaarheid 2
- De baas over je subpersonen, over intradependentie
- De chinese wijze(n)
- De Dramadriehoek
- De meester en de leerling
- De spelletjes die de mensen spelen
- De symptomen van codependentie
- De Waarheid zal je vrijmaken, maar eerst woedend maken!
- Defectcharme
- Drama driehoek
- Dromen
- Dromen literatuurlijst
- Droom 16-10-2011
- Droom 22-12-2011
- Droom november 2015
- Droomduiding
- Droomduiding(kort)
- DVD codependentie
- Eén
- Een artikel over bewustzijn
- Een droom uit 2011
- Ervaringen van levenskunst
- Folder codependentie
- Geen eigenwaarde, over codependentie
- Geluk
- Geluk & Levenskunst
- Geluk 2
- Geluk 3
- Gespiegeld worden
- Helpaholics
- Het herkennen van een narcist
- Ho’oponopono
- Ho’oponopono – zero limits
- Hoe blind kunnen we zijn – artikel in Spiegelbeeld 2012
- Hoe blind kunnen we zijn?
- Hoe ga ik dromen?
- Hoe gaat het?
- Hoe kom je achter je codependentie?
- Hoe kom je van je codependentie af?!
- Homepage
- Informatiefolder bewustwording
- Initiatief
- Initiatieven
- Intradependentie
- Je eigen vijand zijn
- Kikkerbewustzijn
- Klagen
- klankschaalbad
- Levenshouding
- Levensinspiraties
- Levenskunst & geluk
- Levenskunst en geluk
- Levenskunstwetten
- Macht, een bespiegeling
- Meester en leerling 2
- Mijn account
- Mijn idee over ho’oponopono
- Mindfulness
- Mindfulness afwassen
- Mindfulness bronnen/literatuur
- Nederlandstalige boeken over codependentie
- Negatieve emoties
- Negatieve emoties
- Over mij
- Past Reality Integration info
- Persoonlijke grenzen & codependentie
- PRI
- PRI- Illusies
- Prijzen & tarieven
- Principes attitudinal healing
- Richtlijnen attitudinal healing
- Robin Norwood
- Spiegels voor de ziel
- Test ‘Hoe voel je je nu?’
- Thema’s
- Wabi sabi
- Wabi sabi literatuur
- Wat is attitudinal healing?
- Winkel
- Winkelwagen
- Woede naar jezelf
- Woede1
- Woede2
- Woedemotivatie & codependentie
- Woedemotivatie & codependentie
- You tube filmpjes over codependentie
- Zelfcompassie & codependentie
- Over mij