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Paradoxale intentie

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Here is an example of paradoxical intention:

Fear of insomnia results in a hyper-intention to sleep, arising from the anticipatory anxiety that one will not succeed. It is also known that hyper-intention desired repels and excludes, it should be replaced by the paradoxical intention to want to stay awake and then soon there will follow the sleep…

So it is with an excessive urge to be happy, it is a hyper-intention which therefore leads to the opposite namely accident. I know a therapist who said: "Demand of yourself that you are happy ', I pointed out the danger of such a requirement, zo’n hyperintentie, by email, He did not respond to it, by phone he seemed unattainable. I got more and his partner on the line who could never tell me when he would be there again. The partner promised me that he would ask if the man would call me back, I've never called. The therapist felt wetness, I put a bomb under his philosophy…

A form of therapy if you feel unhappy is to make it worse, steeds erger en en dramatic tragic, even then does the paradoxical intention and resolve your bad feelings on.

The artist of life does not strive for happiness, because he knows that it is an automatic result of awareness and self-knowledge and he puts it on a stress-free and peaceful way in.

If you tend to worry much also going to greatly exaggerate and make sure getting bigger and you will see at one point and falls away from you its absurdity

If we want to quell anger per se it will play an even greater role in our lives. Everything you strongly resisted stronger. Hyper Intent regarding your anger lets you laugh and then the paradoxical intention to work. It is wise to get the message that understand the anger has for you and overtake. It may be an unmet need, or a refusal, or a no to a question or request, or an insult, but it can also old pain from your unresolved past or violating your boundaries, find out what it is their doctrine. The artist of life suppresses his anger not only use it in a constructive way ao. to respect its limits.

Bron: Book 'Happiness & Levenskunst’ – Henny Bos (will end 2014)

Wees echt!

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In the journal "From heart to heart in August 2012 is the article "Be happy!’ van Ton Peters. He says: 'Ask of yourself to be happy'. Again a positivo coach who wants the light only and choose the day and rejects the dark of night. He prefers to be happy above really are your peaks and valleys that are normally.

He talks about the inner self with a capital which of course is superior to the self with a small letter which again is so afkeurd. Ton calls to repeat the mantra "be happy" and gives some other tips to help you quickly realize your luck(-). He says it gekunseld and unreal can happen, but only in the beginning. Ton represents the very simple, so simple that you may wonder why everyone is not all happy.

I know a man who also bandied says he is so happy, I've already told him why he did not tell that to his face. I suspect him of reaction-formation or in exaggerated form to show the opposite of what has…

I think the value ton of unhappy feelings like anger, grief, depressie, angst, etc. not want to see, thus throwing the baby out with the bathwater. If you are depressed and you follow Ton's advice and do you say to yourself "Be happy," then you get no value out of your depression you with your Higher Self can bring, then you deny that there NOW and do you want something else..

Moreover Ton talks about requirements, I believe that the Higher Self does not demand but accept what is there and the biggest transformations arise. You can say: 'I am depressed, but despite that I love myself "and" My depression can further help me on my path to self-knowledge, self-understanding and self-consciousness' I say that because I have known a severe depression and am thankful that I did not pushed by gay or do happy doing or distractions, but I entered and did much.

Ton is a bit like the two men who called themselves 'No shade', they had no shade and saw nothing but positive so they said, they performed for a talent show and the criticism of the jury was not good, their "happiness and positivity was instantly she disappeared reacted negatively and frustrated and angry, a reporter asked yet where their positivity was now, that reporter was angry at the side printed with "No shade '. They took their loss Heef unsporting and saw it as a learning opportunity. I do not believe in people like Ton Peters who always want to be happy, and even demand. Jung gods of: "We are not illuminated by proposing our light figures but we are aware of our dark side '.

Ton wants to be happy now, and demands that, provide a tyrant giving advice rather than information. The Buddha said,: "Happiness comes when your work and words of benefit to yourself and to others'. The Ton words do not come very beneficial to himself as demanding and I do not do to others. Lao tse zei: "Beautiful words are often not true and true words are often not pretty '.

Happiness is in my opinion not directly accessible but a byproduct of consciousness and self-knowledge and that range often through many difficulties and setbacks over, er is geen quick fix. Johannes Tauler zei: "The pains of the crisis are the contractions of God's birth in you" and as I have experienced it. ‘No pain, no gain’.

The most beautiful, most amiable people are not the ones who have always been happy, but those difficulties, setbacks and misfortune have known and those things empathy, gratitude and love learned. ‘Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls’ zei Edwin Chapin. The most successful and truly happy people are those who have overcome most of the setbacks and failures and still do.

During a lecture I held for the Theosophical Society, where about 30 people were present, there was 1 woman who was brought up happy, she said. When I broached the subject of anger, showed that precisely this woman held the rage(!). She had become very demanding because she had always been her and never had been a counter, she had not learned to deal with rejections and setbacks, she always wanted her to be driving by and that did not work and then they got angry(in order to manipulate).

We do not learn from our successes but our difficulties and mistakes and therefore we often evade and deny that we make mistakes.

Je geliefd voelen

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If codependent people pleaser I played roles, myself was not, m’n subpersoonlijkheden(intradependentie) were the boss of me. Shakespeare said that we all play a role on the stage of life. The problem is that if the other person loves us, he does not love who we really are, but we have to play, He has our role, we love mask, so we feel real self unloved and we feel.

There is no real intimacy that is necessary to really feel loved. There was a frank, requires honest communication about how you really are, but first you have to find out yourself by awareness, zelfkennis, self-understanding and self-awareness, and then you can really communicate and you really feel loved.

someone (onbewust) dislikes himself or has a very strong inner critic is you do not believe when you say you love him. Because he does not consider himself so how can he believe that you can love him, impossible.

Melody Beattie had het over de HOW-formule ofwel Honesty-Openess-Willingness, or honesty, openness and readiness. It was Shakespeare see said: "The readiness is all!’. Are you willing to see yourself as you really are in your vulnerability and your dark side and play nice weather and you're afraid of intimacy because the other you will be able to unmask?.

Eric Berne wrote the book "Games people play 'and that's exactly what we do all together, We play games with each other and are not fair. Gurdjieff also claimed that people are not honest and lie to themselves and are not open and you can never feel loved for who you are.

If your sub-personalities in charge of your play, as in my case was, You always another and never yourself. Acda and Munnick sing ervover they were never themselves. loesje says: 'Be yourself, because there are enough others'.

If you're friends with yourself and a good self-esteem, you realize the attention of another a form of love and you let it come and be thankful for and you feel your loved faster

Pijn

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Pain is inevitable linked to life and we often need as a teacher. Christiane Beerlandt wrote the tome 'The keys to self-liberation "and addresses the pain and diseases that you may have and its causes which are often mentally, They also give tips what to do about it.

In my life I have the pain of psychosis, depersonalization known and severe depression, to name a few. They were my greatest teachers. I had a hard head and thought all know it and had this pain need to come to understand and am grateful for afterwards. By knowing the pain you come to sit deep and you get depth, and I now know what real joy and gratitude.

Americans say "no pain, no gain’. Johannes Tauler zei:"The pains of the crisis are the pangs of God's birth in us" and as I have experienced it.

One day died the son of a woman, who went to the Buddha with the request to wake the child back to life. The Buddha said,; "Get some rice from a house where no pain and illness has been '. Hopeful went to the woman on path, but door after door, she realized that there had been anywhere pain and illness, She learned the lesson that every house has its cross and that they also had to learn about pain and did not need to suffer to make. She had put her happiness with her son, an external source, and understood that it had to come from within and they had to learn to let go and detach to be free.

We often want no pain and therefore do not know what is good for us. Nietzsche said that if our wishes come true we live in a hell soon and there is something in. Nisargadatta zei:Between the banks of pain and pleasure, the river flows, only when thinking and feeling beaches on one of the banks, and not going with the flow, creates misery "Pain is inevitable but that does not suffer. The Buddha said that life was suffering, but also pointed to the 4 Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path to get out.

Here are some quotes about pain:

Hurts to think a man, thoughts make a man wise, Wisdom makes life bearable. – John Patrick

Pijn: the yeast that raises the luck. – Jan Deloof

When we are deceived by someone, can the sadness to have been mistaken in him hurt more than the disadvantage that we are cheating causes. -C. J. Wijnaendts Francken

They breathe truth that breathe their words in pain – Shakespeare

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional – unknown

Do not consider painful what is good for you – Euripides

One word frees us from all the heaviness and pain of life , that word is love – Sophocles

No pain is felt to have not been human – Jewish proverb

Painful quotes by Peter de Kock: Experience Expert Henry Rollins about pain: ‘I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness.’

‘I think about the meaning of pain. Pain is personal. It really belongs to the one feeling it. Probably the only thing that is your own. I like mine.’

‘Some of your best moments come when you’re the king or queen of pain. That’s when you lock yourself in your room, paint your fingernails black, turn out the lights, listen to a Cure record and write poetry.’

‘Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.’

 

 

 

 

Hoe zal ik mij vandaag voelen?

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A codependent joke is that of a codependent woman who wakes up next to her husband in the morning and asks him out: ‘Hoe zal ik mij vandaag voelen?’…

An example of interdependence and freedom is that of a man who went with a friend to buy a newspaper at a newsstand. The kiosk man acted very grumpy and grumpy and the man says hello and wishes him a nice day. The friend asks:’ Does that man from the kiosk always treat you like that??"Mostly yes," the man replies. "Then why are you so nice to him??the friend asks. The interdependent man says: "Because I don't let that man or anyone determine my mood and attitude"

How many of us let others determine our feelings and moods?. Only when the other person is friendly and kind are we too. It has been researched that when people are yelled at, most people yell back and when someone is angry at someone who returns evil to someone else, dus codependent..

Gurdjieff understood that principle very well. In Gurdjieff's training group there was a man who insulted and insulted everyone and was negative. One day that man decided to leave the group much to the relief of everyone except Gurdjieff, he did his best to get him back, the man didn't want that and then Gurdjieff even offered him money and then he came back to the dismay of the other students, who didn't understand it. Gurdjieff said:"If you can learn from anyone to be kind and loving in all circumstances, it is from this man."

The Dalai Lama knows this too and called the Chinese leader Mao, who invaded Tibet, his greatest teacher, the Dalai Lama was not embittered or enraged by Mao's behavior but remained kind and loving because that is his nature. He also says that his religion is loving kindness. And he walks his talk.

Bron: Boek ‘Levensinspiraties’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt najaar 2012)