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Mijn 15 stappen naar interdependentie en vrijheid

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De 12 Steps of AA(Alcoholics anonymous) CODA(Codependents Anonymous) a road to recovery, I have some doubts in particular with regard to the fact that they say that you are powerless and helpless. It is true that the thinking that caused the problems that can not solve problems, there is the right to think of the Buddha nodig.De 12 steps are only one way and there are many roads that lead to Rome and perhaps awareness or the main road to the heart. Knowledge is in the head and wisdom and love are in the hearts and Inayat Khan said that wisdom and love go hand in hand, wisdom where there is love and vice versa. Elly zei: "Henny went hard at heart '

Here follow my 15 steps and in contrast to the 12 Steps of AA and CODA's no copyright here, with acknowledgment you can not make it by giving me screen and wants to share it with interested

Here first is an overview of the steps, and then I will give a brief explanation of each step:

step -1-: Surrender to the will of God

step -2-: Self-reflection, see mistakes

step -3-: see Shadow Sides

step -4-: release

step -5-: Forgive, also yourself

step -6-: Making good what you did to others

step -7-: Disidentificatie

step -8-: Acceptance

step -9-: Unconditional love

step-10-: Weten dat je niet weet

step-11-: Be your own therapist

step-12-: discussion groups

step-13-: "Seers' seek

step-14-: Selfknowledge, zelfinzicht en zelfbesef

step-15-: Get a good(gold) Viewfinder and -vinder and be grateful for everything and knows in the here and now enjoy.

Now the explanation of the steps to follow:

step -1-: Surrender to the will of God:

Surrender to the will of God, Man, Brahman, the Universe or whatever you want to call it is really the first step. For me it was God, know the God of Love. Ik zei: "Thy will be done" and stopped to shout at myself and was silent and in that silence I heard only my intuition, or the voice of God, who speaks softly and only heard by those who are awakened and awakening. Only then will there really love into you and drill you in yourself and you get more insights and wisdom kuh you begin the other steps do not necessarily need that they appear in the order. Remember, God does work with you but not for you.

step -2-: Self-reflection, see mistakes:

recognize my mistakes and fallacies and follies for me was an important step. Confucius zei:"Unfortunately, I have seen no one yet who recognizes his faults, and there are interior has censured '. Self-reflection is rare and very valuable. I just know to do and so did not get me for information and new insights other than my field. In my knowledge, I was also confirmed by my surroundings, leaving me completely 'sure' of my case was and did not realize that I was astray. a big disillusion was needed, a crisis to bring me to repentance. After the crisis, I did not dare to look honestly at myself and from my mistakes and follies. From Meoldy Beattie I learned HOW formula either Honesty – Openess – Willingness either Honesty – Openness and Willingness. Shakespeare said that the readiness is all.

step -3-: see Shadow Sides:

My liberate inner demons, I learned from Tsultrim Allione who wrote the book "Free your rebuke demons'. Jung zei: "We are not illuminated by proposing our light figures but be aware by us from our dark side '. We have to our idealized and false, abandon false self and see the reality that we have both good and bad and dark sides.

step -4-: release:

A brother of the Abbey Slangenburg alerted me thereon. He clenched his fists and said,: "Look Henny people do, they hold convulsively on things, even if it torments them, but if you can not catch, You should do this' and then he took his hands a bowl. I was a control freak and tried to control the behavior of others and manipulating that they would like me. I let it loose when I discovered that all you are trying to control you just check and you are the slave of the other..

step -5-: Forgive, also yourself:

Wayne Dyer taught me that if you do not forgive your parents and they are already deceased you should go to their graves and it should express any anger that's part of the atonement- and processing. I did that and it had a liberating effect on me. Do you forgive yourself first not to be consumed with resentment, rancor, hatred and anger. Forgive yourself is often the most difficult step, you can see your mistakes go as learning opportunities that you have been where you are now, with much more insight than when. As we express our feelings honestly we will continue to project them and take it out on others.

step -6-: Making good what you did to others:

You apologize without justifying your, e.e.a. work this out like the other, you often unknowingly hurt, that is.

step -7-: Disidentificatie:

I learned during a uitgebnreide training in psychosynthesis. They argued there that you thought, but are not your thoughts, you have feelings but they are not, you have a body, but are not your body, subpersonalities that you have in you but are not, etc. I dropped further by disidentifying by me anything until there remained nothing and that proved to be everything. Before I identified very strongly with my job, my function in the status it gave me, I had a work-a-holic.

step -8-: Acceptance:

Accepting the other person will usually succeed, lot harder to fully accept yourself, and I mean all your aspects including the negative. You realize that nothing human is foreign works often liberating. The acceptance is the key to transformation and self-liberation. It is quite paradoxical, but the more you accept yourself, the more changes you will undergo. And if you then change is the miracle that your whole world changes around you.

step -9-: Unconditional love:

I loved in order to get love, it was more of an investment, do business. A woman taking part in a Group Norwood I got the tip to read the book "Getting the love you because". Typically I found that, I'd rather read a book called: ‘Sharing and giving the love you have’. If you really know yourself then you know you are in essence love, and therefore can give only. Augustine said: "Love, and do what you will 'In Ho'oponopono is a mantra which reads: ‘I love you, Thank you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me’, a powerful mantra that works for me.

step-10-: Weten dat je niet weet:

Socrates zei: "Now I know that I know nothing" and if you come to an open attitude and will investigate and come to true wisdom. I just know to do and that was my trap, I thought I knew myself, very stupid of me and a big misconception, because then you will not be open to information and insights. The Bible says not for nothing: "Examine everything and keep the good '.

step-11-: Be your own therapist:

A friend taught me to be my own therapist, from 1992 I did so with great success, which provided much, I asked myself questions and then answer came from my subconscious and my intuition. Later I read that Melody Beattie was gewprden her own therapist and was not understood by her therapists.

step-12-: discussion groups:

I took a few years, participated in a discussion group Attitudinal healing and I have had a lot of ingot at, we shared about each other's lives without judging or giving each other advice, there was really listen and you learn to express yourself as to others. Dispositions was that we are each teacher and student roles that may change regardless of age, experience or training. I will understand myself fit and to know the extent I have communicated about myself to others is a maxim. Groups and friends can here is a great service bewijzen.De maxim: ‘Share-check-share’..

step-13-: "Seers' seek:

Many therapists are blind and deaf and do not really listen to you but just try as much information you get them you can classify. In groups like Coda and AA is seen not always, a man was a member of the AA group and was still drunk again and told that he was already drying times, Everyone in the group kicked it and applauded, only one present was a seer and told the man: ‘You’re in deep shit, but I love you anyway’. I was fortunate to take a holistic therapist and a numerologist as visionaries who could say me much about my being..

step-14-: Selfknowledge, zelfinzicht en zelfbesef:

Find out that you're not a human being having a spiritual experience but worked a spiritual being having a human experience liberating for me. The oracle of Delphi said: 'Know thyself', but we do not listen. Lao tse zei: 'As other intelligent kent is, who knows himself is enlightened '. The more a man knows himself the more he realizes that he does not know himself yet, and that's because the consciousness is infinite, whatever the Buddha said,. If you come to love yourself and feel, there is also wisdom and then you come to your essence and you will also feel.

step-15-: Get a good(gold) Viewfinder and -vinder and be grateful for everything and knows in the here and now enjoy.

There is research on the success factors of happiness in humans. From 100 successful and happy people no agreements were discovered in prosperity, opleiding, origin, etc., there was only one agreement, which was that they were good / prospectors. They looked at what was good about themselves and the world around them and how they strengthened it. Alles wat je aandacht geeft dat groeit. Then you count your blessings and you're thankful and you enjoy it.

Je geliefd voelen

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If codependent people pleaser I played roles, myself was not, m’n subpersoonlijkheden(intradependentie) were the boss of me. Shakespeare said that we all play a role on the stage of life. The problem is that if the other person loves us, he does not love who we really are, but we have to play, He has our role, we love mask, so we feel real self unloved and we feel.

There is no real intimacy that is necessary to really feel loved. There was a frank, requires honest communication about how you really are, but first you have to find out yourself by awareness, zelfkennis, self-understanding and self-awareness, and then you can really communicate and you really feel loved.

someone (onbewust) dislikes himself or has a very strong inner critic is you do not believe when you say you love him. Because he does not consider himself so how can he believe that you can love him, impossible.

Melody Beattie had het over de HOW-formule ofwel Honesty-Openess-Willingness, or honesty, openness and readiness. It was Shakespeare see said: "The readiness is all!’. Are you willing to see yourself as you really are in your vulnerability and your dark side and play nice weather and you're afraid of intimacy because the other you will be able to unmask?.

Eric Berne wrote the book "Games people play 'and that's exactly what we do all together, We play games with each other and are not fair. Gurdjieff also claimed that people are not honest and lie to themselves and are not open and you can never feel loved for who you are.

If your sub-personalities in charge of your play, as in my case was, You always another and never yourself. Acda and Munnick sing ervover they were never themselves. loesje says: 'Be yourself, because there are enough others'.

If you're friends with yourself and a good self-esteem, you realize the attention of another a form of love and you let it come and be thankful for and you feel your loved faster

Waarom ben ik bang om jou te vertellen wie ik ben?

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I now read the 112th book on codependency, te weten:

‘Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?’ van John Powell, a great book again and I come to new insights, it is unbelievable. Hij schrijft ‘Niemand van ons wil een fraudeur, swindler or a lie life, none of us wants to be counterfeit, be an imitation or a nepper. But the fear that we experience and the risks that honest self-communication are so intense that we seek refuge in our roles, masks and games and that's a natural behavior for us'.

In short: we want to be honest but do not for fear of rejection, fear of being ridiculed and so we play our roles as codependent. Shakespeare had already discussed the fact that we all play our role on the stage of life and so it is.

The response of the codependent on demand: "Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?’ is: "Because if I tell you who I am, you will not and may reject me and I have everything I '. Lao tse zei: "If you do not take too much of others' opinions, you stay long life of their prisoner ', Lao Tse also knew of codependency.

I'm learning now to read through this at 112th book on codependency and I think I'm the only one in the Netherlands to more than 200 books on codependency and related subjects purchased, an investment of more than 3000 euro!. It's an investment in myself, where you can do your advantage. The Buddha said,: "Happiness comes when your work and words of benefit to yourself and to others," and that is what I experience.

Don Miguel Ruiz zei: "Vat nothing personally '. That's easier said than done. What others say about you is often no clean and clear perception but a positive or negative projection. Een uitspraak is: "Even contain the worst things that people say about you and truth…namely over them!’.

If you decide another mood, ben je z’n codependente slaaf en geen interdependente meester die zijn eigen intrinsieke spirituele eigenwaarde heeft.

Nee leren zeggen

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Of codependents are known to have difficulty saying no. they feel guilty and inadequate and selfish and that does not feel good for them.

I invited a woman, which attract many codependent, for a talk about codependency, I'll call her Carla. Carla was enthusiastic and wanted to get desperate. she calls a night for the meeting really wonder because her son asked her to pass grandchildren and she dared to say no, she denied herself as an opportunity for a step toward healing 'r codependency, she found the needs of her son more important than her own need, Also typical for codependents.

I say sometimes yes when I mean no and have afterwards regretted. No can say means that you understand that a question not a question but a requirement if you can not say no.

Krishnamurti said lighting means you no to everywhere says. That is going too far a yes to things and people you help appears in your personal growth and development to me in place. In India kennen ze neti neti, this not, not that. Is a joke:"What do they call a codependent who can say no without feeling guilty?’ . Antwoord: 'Healthy?!"Deny yourself not say yes because you're afraid that people will be mad at you or will reject you if you say no. People who can not accept his no attention not worthy.

Just look at how far you no and yes you have had in your life.

I said 14 age no to the Reformed Church, because I found a deformed church with people who think they have the only true faith and only get to heaven, not my church so. It took me a long time to free myself from the Reformed ideas.

After my crisis, I said no to my wife and wanted a divorce, one of the best decisions of my life, a liberation was.

I said yes to the broker when I saw the house where I live now. I told the broker:"Now I'm going to say something stupid in your eyes and that is that I would have it for the asking price and no small risk that it breaks off and ignores my nose '. The energy in my house is very harmonious, peaceful and loving, each house has its energy if you are willing to feel that.

Bring your no's and yes's a look at a map and see if you would like to do it again, an interesting exercise.

Hoe zal ik mij vandaag voelen?

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A codependent joke is that of a codependent woman who wakes up next to her husband in the morning and asks him out: ‘Hoe zal ik mij vandaag voelen?’…

An example of interdependence and freedom is that of a man who went with a friend to buy a newspaper at a newsstand. The kiosk man acted very grumpy and grumpy and the man says hello and wishes him a nice day. The friend asks:’ Does that man from the kiosk always treat you like that??"Mostly yes," the man replies. "Then why are you so nice to him??the friend asks. The interdependent man says: "Because I don't let that man or anyone determine my mood and attitude"

How many of us let others determine our feelings and moods?. Only when the other person is friendly and kind are we too. It has been researched that when people are yelled at, most people yell back and when someone is angry at someone who returns evil to someone else, dus codependent..

Gurdjieff understood that principle very well. In Gurdjieff's training group there was a man who insulted and insulted everyone and was negative. One day that man decided to leave the group much to the relief of everyone except Gurdjieff, he did his best to get him back, the man didn't want that and then Gurdjieff even offered him money and then he came back to the dismay of the other students, who didn't understand it. Gurdjieff said:"If you can learn from anyone to be kind and loving in all circumstances, it is from this man."

The Dalai Lama knows this too and called the Chinese leader Mao, who invaded Tibet, his greatest teacher, the Dalai Lama was not embittered or enraged by Mao's behavior but remained kind and loving because that is his nature. He also says that his religion is loving kindness. And he walks his talk.

Bron: Boek ‘Levensinspiraties’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt najaar 2012)