In januari 2012 zal de DVD met 6 korte lezingen over codependentie van me uitkomen, e.e.a. is in oktober 2011 opgenomen door Clemens van der Horst
Er zullen ook you tube filmpjes van gemaakt worden die 4 until 8 minuten duren
Zie de pdf voor meer informatie: dvd codependentie
This butterfly is on the CD that was created from the afternoon
Today, 18-12-2011 held an afternoon talk about codependency in my home. Johan, Riemke, Cornelie and Arthur were the participants shared their experiences about the dysfunctional family.
It is striking that both Riemke as at Cornelie the situation so that their parents had wished she were a boy and had his. For me that was reversed. I had my mother is a girl and should therefore not be. It was striking how many negative messages we all received in our youth. I suggested that for every negative message 20 positive should stand e.e.a. neutralizing.
We shared and Arthur said he felt really good to feel that he was not the only one and there was not only. I have, of course with the consent of the participants, a recording of ca.42 minutes made heard here: Gespreksgroep 181211
We have 2 h finely divided in peace, love and harmony and I was stirred to allow tranens. The participants thanked me for the nice afternoon. We ruled out, gave no advice, but listened and shared and that was very nice and encouraging.
Participants found my ocean drum very beautiful, here you can get away from meegenieten: Ocean drum
I read the book "Caring enough to confront" David Augsburger and that really appealed to me. The question is whether you care enough about someone to confront him or her with conduct prejudicial to him- or herself and his / her environment. Ie you risk a furious reaction and hassle if you confront, but you have to make if you really care about someone.
How do you confront is crucial, if you are considering doing with respect and loving it will not be as fast as an attack. The French say: 'It's the tone that makes the music'. Not just what you say, but also how you say it will be the deciding factor. Also make sure that you do not reject the person but only his behavior.
If they think you confront evil or stupid behavior on the following statement by Howard:
We have nothing to people who we just talk to the mouth, the mooipraters, we shoot anything with it on. I learned the most from people who confronted me with stupid behavior from myself. These people dared to stabbing their necks out and endure the way I uitverdedigde. I felt sometimes attacked me and even searched the counterattack.
If you have low self-esteem and codependent, as I had, can you (negative) not tolerate criticism. You feel even all nothing and then you hear also that you do not do well, which is intolerable, but also very necessary for you. I realized only later that if you never get criticism that might be a sign that you mean too much, you do not dare to express yourself, are cautious, too afraid to hurt someone(because you yourself are so hurt in the past).
In a relationship you can not continue to keep up appearances and confront you to handle each other with each other's shadows, which is sometimes tough. This fact does not fit into your idealized self-image that you have created yourself to escape from your real self, because it could not stand you.
My friend Peter Jan likes to play the devil's advocate and I confronted him with it by saying that he has a sub-personality in them that the devil lawyer called and plays. he laughed(laughter is recognized) and said frankly that though patted and thanked me for my reflection.
A colleague of mine I met in a bookstore. I confronted him with the idea that he's a very sensitive man who suppresses his feelings. He did not understand me and shrugged and walked on. A year later I find him again at the same bookstore, and he repeats the words that I said a year ago against him and said laughing:"The penny has now fallen" and thanked me. He was now in therapy and learned more about his emotional life. So it does not always go there are people who choose to be angry and to stay and do not want to learn. That's their problem, I do not make mine from…
Op zondag 18-12-2011 houdt Henny Bos te Doetinchem een informatiemiddag over codependentie. Er is een kans van 90% dat u codependente trekken heeft en zich daar niet van bewust bent. Henny zal nadere informatie geven en een informatiefolder van 8 pagina’s gratis uitdelen. De toegang tot de middag is ook gratis.
Aanmelden kan via hennybos@xs4all.nl of telefonisch 0314 – 34 38 21 of via de website www.hennybos.com
In een codependente wereld vraagt iedereen zich af wat ‘men’ over hen denkt, zich niet realiserend dat ‘men’ veel te druk is met zich af te vragen hoe men over hen denkt.
‘Men’ heeft zich eenmaal een beeld van je gevormd ondanks het feit dat de Bijbel zegt maak je van mij geen beeld, we doen niet anders en houden eraan vast. Nietzsche zag dat heel scherp toen hij zei:’Niets neemt men je zozeer kwalijk dan dat men zijn beeld ten aanzien van jou moet veranderen’. Ik ondervond dat aan den lijve toen ik na m’n crisis weer op m‘n werk verscheen. Een collega zei hoopvol tegen me:’Zo, alweer de oude Henny?!’. Ik zei:’Nee, en dat wil ik ook nooit meer worden, ik ben nu de nieuwe Henny’. Hij begreep er niks van en haalde z’n schouders onverschillig op in plaats van te informeren wat er nu nieuw was.
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