Ik ben een gever, geen nemer

If during our upbringing not meet our need for love, erkenning, waardering, attention, warmte, nurturing, respect, etc. We will draw met often conclude that we are not worthy…

It is not in us to say that our parents fail or are unable to fulfill our needs. So we added our best to, by lot to give, still get our needs met and if that fails, we conclude that we should forget our needs but then we focus on the needs of others which are more important to us than our own needs, typical codependent.

Ingeborg Bosch PRI(Past Reality Integration) states that "Denial of needs is a defense of old pain, which is not healed. She also claims that to heal the hardest defenses because we say that the us is very good as savior / helper of others and that the others have much worse than we and our help so desperately need, we feel powerful than we are auxiliary bidder. We efface ourselves away and there you have the codependency. Your self-esteem is dependent on how much you give to others, only then you start to feel good and "good about yourself '. You usually attracted to people with problems, you can help and then you feel into your power, if you can do anything. You are a savior and helper thinks he can change the other by what we do for him. You thus become a doer(sometimes even a real work-a-holic) and forget what Americans say: ’We are human beings, not human doings’.

One important lesson we can learn is that we be worthy to receive, but for this we must first love, attention, waardering, etc give ourselves. As long as we do not, and are unloving to ourselves we will be mirrored in it in our relationship and not really be loved but used. Many people use people and love to do things instead of people love and use things.

Do not try to get outside as the codependent tries to do, it is the way in and then you can love others as yourself…