Hurt people hurt…
Hurt people hurt. Either hurt people hurt and all participants in the drama triangle are hurt people. They have the best intentions in most cases but often do the bad. The Bible also states that and says: "We want the good but do the bad...". Victims often become perpetrators.
When you are in pain you only think about yourself and you pass your pain on to the other. If you know joy and happiness then you want to share that with others and that is what you have to give.
The accuser unconsciously takes out his anger on the other person. The rescuer does not want to feel nothing and tries to feel good through his help and is therefore selfish without realizing it. The victim has often been hurt in the past and gets stuck in it and he passes that on again.
Just pay attention to what people say and how they say it. The French say so beautifully: 'It's the tone that makes the music'. A woman who spoke of her happiness and love did so with a grave voice and sad look, nothing was right, I kept asking and then it turned out that she absolutely couldn't stand mistakes and she denied and so learned nothing from it and was still a victim. She said 'I'll get through the day that way', like it's a difficult task. I got tired of that woman, her energy was very negative and heavy it was of a low frequency and she was an energy guzzler. I will avoid contact with such a person, because a victim always wants to be right and is not open to the opinions and ideas of others, contact makes no sense. They want their right instead of their happiness. It is also the people who claim to have been divorced guiltlessly and therefore do not recognize that they may have made mistakes themselves and therefore remain victims, as a reward, it gives them attention and help.
Osho talked about beggars who have nothing and beg each other for the love and attention they don't have because they haven't developed it, have not bothered to develop and become aware and become a giver and sharer. They project their own misery onto others. You are what you see and do. We used to say at school: 'It takes one to know one!’, a great wisdom of which we did not realize the value at the time.
Sometimes it is the case that someone who has been hurt himself does not want to hurt anyone anymore and becomes a people pleaser and is therefore unfair and does not dare to confront another with his bad behavior and accepts the unacceptable and that is codependent behavior.
It is also: Hurt people get hurt’. When you're hurt, you get hurt faster, because that is so familiar and well known. De Bijbel zegt: "The truth will make you free ', that's totally true, but for hurt people, the truth is what enrages them and hurts them, they oppose it.
I called a victim a victim and she got mad and said I was hurting her instead of becoming aware of her victimhood and doing something about it, she fended everything off and didn't even think about it. Vernon Howard zei: "There is a new life but the old life doesn't even show the interest to even explore it"…An American said: ‘Some people get better others get bitter’. Injured people become sour faster, bitter and frustrated., they hurt themselves again.
Hurt people are often very afraid of being hurt again(and fear attracts the dreaded!). They build walls around them for protection and it is striking that if you have a protective and shielded attitude you cannot learn and are not open, nothing can come in, so you keep the misery alive. Americans call that reenactment or repeating and replaying your childhood traumas, with all the misery that entails for yourself and the other.
Also, the law of attraction works. Hurt people attract hurt people and hurts!, zonder dat te beseffen. It will increase until the bottom is reached and whoever is concerned sees that he has to change. Until then there is fear of change and resistance.
The accuser is easily hurt by others and has a short fuse and then proceeds to counterattack. The savior hurts himself by not paying attention to his own needs and being completely focused on the other. The victim is all hurt, what he complains about and has a lot of self-pity instead of doing something about it.
They all want understanding without understanding themselves and the other. Gandhi said very nicely: Be the change you want to see in the world yourself!’, a wise and good advice.
Bron: ‘De Dramadriehoek’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt in 2013)