Pijn

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Pain is inevitable linked to life and we often need as a teacher. Christiane Beerlandt wrote the tome 'The keys to self-liberation "and addresses the pain and diseases that you may have and its causes which are often mentally, They also give tips what to do about it.

In my life I have the pain of psychosis, depersonalization known and severe depression, to name a few. They were my greatest teachers. I had a hard head and thought all know it and had this pain need to come to understand and am grateful for afterwards. By knowing the pain you come to sit deep and you get depth, and I now know what real joy and gratitude.

Americans say "no pain, no gain’. Johannes Tauler zei:"The pains of the crisis are the pangs of God's birth in us" and as I have experienced it.

One day died the son of a woman, who went to the Buddha with the request to wake the child back to life. The Buddha said,; "Get some rice from a house where no pain and illness has been '. Hopeful went to the woman on path, but door after door, she realized that there had been anywhere pain and illness, She learned the lesson that every house has its cross and that they also had to learn about pain and did not need to suffer to make. She had put her happiness with her son, an external source, and understood that it had to come from within and they had to learn to let go and detach to be free.

We often want no pain and therefore do not know what is good for us. Nietzsche said that if our wishes come true we live in a hell soon and there is something in. Nisargadatta zei:Between the banks of pain and pleasure, the river flows, only when thinking and feeling beaches on one of the banks, and not going with the flow, creates misery "Pain is inevitable but that does not suffer. The Buddha said that life was suffering, but also pointed to the 4 Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path to get out.

Here are some quotes about pain:

Hurts to think a man, thoughts make a man wise, Wisdom makes life bearable. – John Patrick

Pijn: the yeast that raises the luck. – Jan Deloof

When we are deceived by someone, can the sadness to have been mistaken in him hurt more than the disadvantage that we are cheating causes. -C. J. Wijnaendts Francken

They breathe truth that breathe their words in pain – Shakespeare

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional – unknown

Do not consider painful what is good for you – Euripides

One word frees us from all the heaviness and pain of life , that word is love – Sophocles

No pain is felt to have not been human – Jewish proverb

Painful quotes by Peter de Kock: Experience Expert Henry Rollins about pain: ‘I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness.’

‘I think about the meaning of pain. Pain is personal. It really belongs to the one feeling it. Probably the only thing that is your own. I like mine.’

‘Some of your best moments come when you’re the king or queen of pain. That’s when you lock yourself in your room, paint your fingernails black, turn out the lights, listen to a Cure record and write poetry.’

‘Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.’

 

 

 

 

Aardig doen als alternatief voor eerlijk zijn..

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My experience is that most people do like to want to be liked, you could call a codependent draw. They are nice instead of honest.

I read the good book "Caring enough to confront". we give enough to the other to confront him with his destructive behavior with the risk of conflict?. we have to make over?. We have so much love that we want to protect that person for his own enmity?. Most do not.

I was talking with a neighbor Piet hated neighbor Jenny, who walked through the streets a few dozen meters from him, He smiled kindly at her and waved to her and between his lips, inaudible to her, He said, 'Hello cunt-wijf'.Dat is doing nice alternative to face it in a nutshell, and it is more common than you might think.

How dare we be honest?. I know people who told me that I have a very high awareness and am gifted and wise, it was flattery, because she claimed no interest in my "wisdom", asked me a single question, , demonstrating did not mean what they said. That's you kidding codependent what you say and do not say what you mean.

Many people who ask you the automatic pilot how you're doing, interests which do not fuck, they are too busy with themselves.

Often we do our best to make a good impression on others even if we have to be dishonest purpose. go of impression management to express management(zie m’n artikel daarover).

The codependent plays the mister nice guy, but he's not so nice, He tells himself that he was lucky to escape his unhappy and so lie itself and the other for with his nice behavior calculative. He is doing well but it is not. Do you just being nice or are you also that's the question.

M’n zus zei: "I love you" with an intonation that sounded rather ominous. When I called her once I was set, she took I apologize to that bad news gave her a bad day and she added then that I just needed a kick in the ass. A friend said to me '' Your sister is just pain, you're a masochist if you do it by going to call her sometimes not then you will see that they never call you more 'I regularly sat down with the phone in my hands but did not call, I waited, I wait all over now 10 year they never took the trouble to call me, no interest, I love you, she said, a strange kind of love that. Lao Tse said that fine words are often not true.

Tonglen

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Old Richard has aged, but not that much wiser, he thinks he lives in the 4th dimension and is now on his way to the 5th dimension. He looks down on me like a simple soul from the 3rd dimension. He gave me some unsolicited advice and that was it:"Breathe out the bad and inhale the good". I then said,:Thank you for your advice, but i do the exact opposite, I breathe in the bad and transform that and breathe in the good, love again". “But that is mastery,” he exclaimed in horror, because he thought I was incapable of that.

Tonglen is what the bodhisattvas do too, the bodhisattavas are realized beings who postpone buddhahood in order to better help others first.

What Richard suggested was give the shit and want to get the love, it is may I catch it and an abhorrence of pain with a tendency not to process it, no pain no gain. Love is in you and you give and share and then you automatically receive.

I read a wonderful story by Nancy Groom, she writes: “I remember the amazement I felt when my counselor cried when I told her a story of abuse. I hadn't felt the depth of my grief on my own until my counselor mirrored it to me through her tears and then I was able to let my pain come in at a much deeper level.". Which counselor has so much love to give that he or she can cry for the client's pain?, I have not encountered them, they were all cold and aloof and called that behavior a professional attitude and so were very pleased with themselves and felt superior, there was no love in it.

Allowing the pain of the other to enter and giving love in return, that's tonglen and that reminds me of my father. I told him things weren't going so well with me and my marriage and then he got tears in his eyes and felt my pain, which I only then became more aware of, I felt his love for me and his sympathy and pity and that did me good. It also opened my eyes to the fact that I had hidden and repressed that bad feeling from myself. When I hear Kate Bush's song 'The man with the child in his eyes' I think of my father with love.

The western world is in his thinking and that bothered me too. Letting the pain come in and realizing that you can give even more love and it will get more the more you give and share. Giving and receiving are one.

We cannot have love and compassion for another if we do not have it for ourselves first, that is a condition for being able to do tonglen, start small with the pain of a friend or acquaintance and let it come in and give back love and then build it up and up until you get to your town or city. Tonglen means "take and give" in Tibetan. By accepting and feeling the suffering of others, we learn to do the same for ourselves.

As you progress with tonglen along the way, you can imagine taking in all the misery of the world you know, all darkness, negativity you let your heart absorb, you breathe it in. When you exhale, joy comes, compassion and love and you give that back to the world. The moment you take in the suffering of the world, you will find that it is no longer suffering. Pain is there, but suffering is a choice.

My friend Peter de Kock drew my attention to the story of a donkey that fell into an old well. The farmer thought "It's an old donkey and not much use anymore and the well needs to be filled in anyway so let it sit there" With his neighbours, the farmer started throwing dirt into the well to fill up the well. At first the donkey was startled by this, but then brayed gently and lovingly. The farmer looked into the well and was amazed to see that the donkey shook off the dirt and stood on it, getting higher and higher, until he could get out of the well. Moral of this story is: Life also shovels dirt on you the trick is to get out of the pit and shake off the dirt and use it as stepping stones to get out of the pit and beyond.

Gevoelens & keuze

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Een Indiase goeroe beweerde ooit dat je niet voor liefde kunt kiezen, maar hij zei ook dat iedereen er een hekel aan heeft om op te staan. Hij slaapt dus liever dan dat ie leeft en dat zegt alles over deze charlatan. Ik kies bewust voor liefde in plaats van angst en dat gaat me prima af. Amerikanen zeggen:’Fake it till you make it!’ Eerst net doen alsof je liefdevol bent is al een goed begin en een goede keuze.

Robert F. Willard Ph.D. en Michael Gibertini Ph.D schreven in hun boek ‘The seven jewels of codependency’: ‘Je weet dat misschien niet, maar in zekere zin kies je je gevoelens. Je gevoelens zijn gebaseerd op wat je jezelf vertelt over een situatie, je begrip ervan en wat het voor je betekent. Als je je anders wilt voelen, moet je de manier waarop je over een situatie denkt veranderen. For example: Heb je ooit iemand horen praten over jou en gedacht dat ze kwaad op je waren om daarna te ontdekken dat het over een ander ging?. Ook al heb je je gekwetst gevoeld of boos, toen je je realiseerde dat het over een ander ging was er opluchting of zelfs een schuldgevoel over je kwaadheid’ Toen je gedachten over de situatie veranderden, veranderden ook je gevoelens. De realiteit van de gebeurtenis creëerde of veranderde je gevoelens niet, maar je interpretatie deed dat’

In de Rationeel-Emotieve-Therapie(RET) kennen ze de ABC-formule. A = het Activating event, de gebeurtenis, B = Belief, je geloof/overtuiging over iets en C = Consequences, de consequentie, de uitkomst. En dan stellen ze dat niet A bepaalt wat C is maar B. Het gaat altijd om je geloof/overtuiging of je je gekwetst gaat voelen of niet

Ik hoorde ooit een man tegen me zeggen dat ik precies op een minister van de VVD leek, dat gaf me geen aangenaam gevoel omdat ik niks met de VVD heb, maar ik koos ervoor om te vragen of het als een compliment was bedoeld en de man zei:’Jazeker ik waardeer die minister enorm!’ en dat voelde voor mij een stuk beter.

Ik kies ervoor om me meestal goed,peaceful,harmonieus en liefdevol te voelen, zelfs als het een keer tegenzit. Ik zie nl. alles al zijnde ten goede voor m’n groei en ontwikkeling en dan wijs je geen enkel gevoel af en kies je ervoor alles te voelen en ervaren.

‘Geluk is een keuze’ is de titel van een boek van Mariska van der Werf dat ze in eigen beheer bij boekenbent.com uitgaf. Ik geef Mariska groot gelijk: geluk is inderdaad een keuze en wordt dan niet veroorzaakt door iets van buiten maar is er gewoon zoals je bent. Marci Shimoff schreef het boek ‘Happy for no reason’ en dat is het, er is geen reden om gelukkig te zijn het is een staat van zijn waar je voor gekozen hebt.

Als je bedenkt dat je dagelijks kunt kiezen uit vele opties en er een kosten/baten-analyse op loslaat en je intuïtie erbij gebruikt zul je wellicht minder TV kijken en meer kiezen voor groei en ontplooiing van je eigen wezen en zelf leven i.p.v passief de levens op TV van anderen te volgen.

Veel mensen beseffen niet dat ze de keuze hebben uit vele opties en handelen uit gewoonte, routine en klagen dan dat hun leven zo gezapig is en grijs en saai….

Breng je opties in kaart en durf daarbij te fantaseren en je creativiteit te benutten. Goede keuzes leveren een goed en gelukkig leven op en zorgen voor goede, fijne gevoelens van liefde, vrede, harmonie, vreugde, humor, speelsheid, sereniteit, etc.etc. en dat gun ik u ook.

Gevoelens & waarheid

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There are those who argue that feelings tell the truth, but I think and feel yet more nuanced about. Feelings can tell the truth but also lie.

Consider feelings of inferiority. If you have those feelings does that also mean that you are inferior? I do not think so. The truth for me is that you are a child of God and are created in His image and that you're spiritually worthy and are valuable.

Onderzocht is dat 75% the 'professional' social workers feel superior and the big question is whether that truth is, they are really superior if they present themselves just as in fear and uncertainty, The arrogance is what lies behind inferiority, that arrogance is an overcompensation of inferiority, to me that was certainly the case. Both arrogance and inferiority are pathologically. If you feel a spiritual dignity you will feel no more and no less than another, you'll feel connected and one which is more in line with truth.

80% of people think that they have an above average intelligence, that says enough! It often leads to authoritarianism and feelings know to have. The less people know, the more they think they know.

Charles L. Whitfield has it in his wonderful book:’Co-dependence, healing the human condition 'the fact that 95%(!) of the people is more or less codependent. Codependent you if you're in a dysfunctional family was raised with little or no love, warmth and nurturing and over (negative) feelings were not spoken and that had to be so displaced. you for your feelings of self-worth than depend on external sources, in others it is more value other than self-esteem and you feel it is not your truth.

Whitfield talks about 12 step program and says that our true Self is fine and healthy, but that we are true Self strayed from us by distorted beliefs, gedachten, feelings and choices. He also speaks of distorted feelings and telling us so lies instead of the truth.

Many people feel that their perception is realitieit, where is, and that is also not true. Goethe saw it well when he said,:"If we have no idea of ​​the whole, We realize is how fragmentary our knowledge and which take up gardening '

Feelings are insofar as real and true that you can feel but the exercise is to ask yourself whether those feelings proclaim a truth and contribute to wake you or keep you asleep..

If you believe in a punishing God, you will feel a sinner and guilty and you feel shame and the big question is whether it is right and truth. I believe in a loving God and feel a lot of love and that to me is completely true and to me and the other only benefit.

Many of us feel that certain emotions are negative as: woede, hate, jaloezie, afgunst, irritation, exasperation,etc. By experiencing them as negative we suppress them often and can even supplant, making us the valuable messages they give completely miss. Behind anger is a need hide where you can be aware, it may be the need for recognition, appreciation that you did not get, so you got angry and then you can learn to ask for the recognition and appreciation rather than angry(manipulatief) to become. When you return to the cause: you unmet need or unresolved past pain can indicate that a place yet and heal and transform, and then you're freed.

I once heard a man say: "I put my anger on the shelf 'This man' laughed 'everything away and complained that he was not understood. He dared not show his authentic feelings and suppressed everything and blamed others that she did not understand him where he did not understand himself, the weather was projected as so often.

As another you angry, can make sad or unhappy then imagine you as a victim and lets you control your feelings by another and you depend on the other person how you feel. The other is just a trigger to your feelings, your unprocessed pain, your needs, your wishes. The challenge is to explore it yet and heal and transform. The other press no longer your 'feel' keys in but you do it yourself and you'll feelings of peace and harmony to know and if you get angry all the time is that anger a tool to show your limits, and anger not the boss of you, but you're in control of your anger. Emerges mastery and I wish everyone though I know it is reserved for the few who are willing to go the way inside.

The great Sufi master Inayat Khan did the same when he said that he really wanted to see, thinking and feeling and thus noticed that he was inauthentic had a false self and really wanted to be. He realized that your thoughts and feelings can be false when a false self(ego) follows and are not the boss himself and authentic, unique, free, conscious, awakens and masterfully.