Ontkenning van je codependentie

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The denial of reality is a codependent draw. Fleeing in an illusion, get a lie than the preferred.

Deniers simply call their situation and normal and so do nothing. Maslow gods:"What people call normal is the psychopathology of the average person '. Who is quite normal is not quite normal.

I spoke to a woman I'll call Carla. I remarked to her that she was not so kind to her inner child, a typical codependent draw. I asked Carla how her family was where she grew up. She said: "Oh, I grew up in a very happy family, my parents were very loving '. I did not believe her and suspected her to be in denial of the unpleasant reality and early so by: "How was your father for you," I asked. "My father was never there," she said casually. I knew immediately what it was and told her in the lurch as also her inner child showed just as her father had abandoned.

There is a story of a master who talked about to mention the miserable condition of a student without his name. When the master had finished said this student: "I'm so glad you're not talking about me, one who you are describing is miserable "So many of us are also in denial and so bad we know ourselves.

Nancy Groom lists a number of consequences of denial, calls them:

-spitituele sterility

-loss of authenticity

-lack of intimacy

I would add that:

-alienation from your true self

-a major blockade on self-knowledge and self-reflection

-displacement of anger

Nancy Groom writes: "A friend of mine asked me: "How long do you think my husband was a stranger to me '. I answered:"He's always been a stranger to himself, For his motives, emotions and needs, how can he reveal himself to you as he does not even know who he is!’. It is impossible to share what you do not know and do not know. Until we reach out to our pain and joy we can not empathize with us in the pain and joy of others.

Many of us deny that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and that keeps the codependency in position.

Ingeborg Bosch talks about the defense of old pain she calls "Denial of needs'. The most difficult to overcome defenses because you say that with you nothing is wrong. You are perfectly imperfect and so there is always something going on!.

Denial is an act of violence to yourself, You will be your own enemy(see anger to yourself, be your own enemy). Nietzsche said: ‘Hoeveel waarheid kan een mens verdragen, how much truth he dares "The truth makes many people angry, they want to hear of it because it is a threat to their idealized self-image that they want at all costs to maintain.

Caution but how quickly people with clearance but yes(so no) and then deny what you said to them about themselves. We do see the speck in the eye of the other, but not the beam in our own eye does the Bible.

You can not acquire mastery over the things you do not want to know and do not know, you will remain a slave, a victim and a robot, programmed by others.

In the dysfunctional family in which the codependent grew up has never been a strong emotional bond between parents and children, therefore the children to think that an emotional bond does not exist and deny them thus and thus they deny any intimniteit and may also enter into any emotional connection to another. They have a distorted image of God, themselves and others who love them for the truth, with all the disastrous consequences of such a. They also deny the love within themselves, the love that they are essentially, a kind of spiritual suicide is so. Real connections they do not know and thus deny them

In codependency there is only bondage, in interdependence, there is communion with God, themselves and others.

Codependents deny their real self and create a false, unreal itself to survive. The experience of the real self is too painful for them, So they flee to. The fair itself is abused in the dysfunctional family, ignored, gekleineerd, etc so the codependent taught as a child that's not okay his real self and creates a false self or ego and lives in constant fear that false self is punctured and are onmaskerd.

They keep themselves very much in fear that the other person finds out how they really are, so there is no initimiteit but detachment and no chance of a healthy and good relationship with someone else and himself. There is fear instead of love. If they discover their true selves, they would notice that Love is that they can share, giving and receiving, and that interdependence.

fury 2

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Codependents often repressed anger in them, who also can turn against themselves by gossip and a relentless inner critic that you say that you are not okay, are not good enough are a failure, etc.etc. The anger is repressed because we were not allowed to express our feelings in the dysfunctional family and the negative not at all on penalty of losing the "love" of our ancestors and that would mean our death, So we swallow everything and we repress our anger.

We're angry because we do not focus, erkenning, waardering, love and respect given that we had such a need. We're going to sublimate anger and exhibit passive-aggressive behavior by lying transverse, watching, make sarcastic remarks, humor have at the expense of the other, leedvermaak, To play devil's advocate, offend, denying attention, things to 'forget', the other 'gagging'(the silent treatment),you obnoxious act, you annoy quickly, deliver much criticism,etc.etc.

We project our repressed anger often on the other, we can then blame. Like we ensure that our other repressed anger plays out for us by making him or her hurt by our behavior and there to have fun and then the other to blame, self-reflection is alien to us, that's scary.

Thich Nhat Hanh schreef het boek 'je Omarm woede', that's good advice. Recognize that your anger is there and see it as a messenger that you bring a valuable message has, namely that you did not get your parents and is now trying to get out of vain. You can book your anger get you where you need also can give to yourself and be loving to yourself, Be a loving mother and father for yourself, who love you unconditionally for who you are and(Nietzsche zei: "Become who you are ').

Jung zei: "Who looks outside dreams and who looks inside awakens'. So look inside and see for yourself first and then see what's going on. Often we do have interest and attention for others but not for ourselves let alone for our inner child. In codependency is known to us inner child as treat our parents have treated us as children, the apple does not fall far from the tree. In my case it was his abandoned, do not get love and attention, not seen and that is true for many of us, I also learned when you have to take it outside, a destroyed, maar dat wist ik toen nog niet. Recognize the anger and transform the challenge into love and compassion for ourselves and our fellow man.

Here are two quotes about anger:

Spot is the rage of petty spirits – Alfred Lord Tennyson

Any anger is a sign of impotence. – Herwig Verleyen

Bron: Boek: "Anger Motivation & codependentie’ van Henny Bos, dat in 2012 of 2013 will appear.

Wat houdt je tegen?

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Wat houdt je tegen? (What limits you throw yourself on?)

Think back to your childhood. you done any of these things?

-1-You asked a question in class and everyone laughed. It meant that you were very reluctant to ask questions, because you did not want the others you would find stupid. Even now, led you tend to avoid asking questions for fear of a negative response

-2-Your family was something dysfunctional when you were growing( developed and pull your codependent). Since then repeat those patterns. Freud called the "repetition compulsion".

-3-You were taught that request was a sign of weakness. As an adult you trying to do everything yourself(counterdependent), even though you can not touch it yourself

-4-You were brought up to believe that things would have been selfish for yourself. Giving is better than receiving taught you, you're not as able to receive, have resistance against.

-5-You said or did something that made people took you seriously. It could be a parent, teacher, classmate, if someone was in a store can zijn.Tot this day you are shy and reluctant to get attention and cooperation of others.

-6-You asked for something and you ashamed before. There you said:"How can you now ask?!'' Do not you see how hard we are?'' Do not be so selfish. "And now you feel jeschuldig if you want something for yourself

-7-You brought jezefl ever embarrassed and thought:"That makes me never happen again" Now keep your back still afraid to embarrass yourself again.

-8-You often got no response to your request. That left you with the expectation that you would get more no's, So you're reluctant not to ask anything.

-9-You were 'driven': o.a.om good to do your best in school, to excel in sports, or dance or play the piano. Your parents drove you up and let you rotate many events. as an adult, rarely ask for help and you also do not expect it, your role is the showman, the hero, the people pleaser(codependent), always looking for applause and praise.

-10-Your parents said things like:"When you're born a dime , you never get a penny "and" What will people there not thinking 'and' Just do then do you crazy enough '. This leads to codependency and thus i.a.. Low self-esteem. It strikes me that many people put their light under a bushel and not freely express their uniqueness and authenticity.

Unless you have a very rare, have had a unique upbringing you will recognize at least one of these things.

You were unconsciously programmed to feel like you do not deserve the things that can lead to scarcity in your life now.

You can reprogram yourself, by processing these events in a positive way and your self talk ', your inner dialogue positively rather than negatively to. It has everything to do with self-knowledge that you are a child of God, het universum, you all and love, attention, waardering, erkenning, respect, etc. deserve and are entitled to and that you must first give it to yourself often.

De 10 these points are in fact limits that you would create for yourself, so you can not fully live and can achieve interdependence. That inner boundaries are often difficult to observe, there is a lot of self-awareness and self-knowledge needed. We do see the speck in the eye of the other and not the beam in our own eye.

 

 

 

 

 

Het verhaal van Andrea

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Nancy Groom writes in her book "From bondage to bonding, escaping codependency’ over ene Andrea, who grew up in a dysfunctional family and already 10 age had to care for family members, as they learned that there can be only if you help. It is not surprising that she made her profession and went to help children from dysfunctional families. The people of the church where she was a member admired her for her achievements and strength and positivity and that made her ego good, they performed thereon, because she often felt misunderstood and alone. She got no help and pointed contacts with healthy people off, Only problem cases interest her.

To themselves to determine that she was too needy not only would have felt to have worked and repulsive but was even frightening to her and she ran away to her fear(as a defense of old pain, see PRI). It felt better for her to have the lead in contact with others. A therapist was the only one who saw the truth about Andrea and Andrea would be shocked if they would discover that they are actually a deep self-loathing and rage within him, which were hidden behind the outward appearance of success helper.

I also know many therapists who go up the milk when you pull them alerts on codependent, they would not hear of it and have them you 'case’ otherwise you are not interested and they want to know anything about you, There is no self-reflection and thus remain victims of their own codependent behaviors.

Moral of the story is that the mass in your "Ideally I-display 'kicks and is blind and deaf to who you really are and what the worst thing is that you yourself also blind and deaf are for. A master told about the miserable state of a leerlng without mentioning his name, when the master was pronounced the student said,:"I'm so happy that you have not me, because the person who you are describing is miserable ', so bad, we know ourselves and we believe in the role that we play instead of his real and authentic

The story about Andrea is also in my book "Other Value, over codependentie’, in April 2012 appears and a subscription price of 17,50 know instead of the normal price of 21,50, you can order it from me 1-4 a.s.

Codependency quote

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‘It’s no fun living with someone who doesn’t like you,,en,especially when that someone is you,,en,Nancy Groom in ‘From Bondage to Bonding,,en,quotes,,en,Poem by Nietzsche,,nl,Wisdom Schopenhauer,,nl, especially when that someone is you’ – Nancy Groom in ‘From Bondage to Bonding, escaping codependency’