Van impressiemanagement naar expressiemanagement

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Many of us keep in their communication engaged in impression management, they do their best to make a good impression, to a desired impression on others behind, See my article on impression management.

It would be fairer to go express management, we express our thoughts and feelings in a good way. It is for many quite scary and threatening to be honest about what they think and feel, they are afraid to be unmasked, that one can then see who they really are or afraid to be rejected, etc., Fear is the motivator instead of love.

Cindy Lauper sings: ‘You show your true colours, and that's why I love you 'and so it is when we honestly express our true thoughts and feelings, we can only experience true intimacy and real contact and connection to enter into another. If we do not, we remain strangers. (Look at the two of us, strangers in every way zingt Karen Carpenter). And then we play games together(See my article games people play). Games of attraction and repulsion, the familiar love-hate relationship that characterizes so many relationships, my marriage was so…

To your thoughts and feelings honestly express requires self-knowledge and a healthy and good self-esteem. To be fair to the other you must first be honest with yourself, with all your weaknesses and negatives. Not run in a 'Ideal-I "aimed at the taste to fall in another and so is an example of impression management. Nor idealized self that we tell ourselves that we are better than we are and suppress our negative sides, have no self-reflection. Freud zei:"People are better than they know, but worse than they think 'Introspection is so important, yourselves treasures on the correct value as good and bad, not good or bad, no duality but unity as day and night together one day form.

Een man zei: "My words are not much 'and went on impression management and wanted to come across as humble man, but like to hear his words waardedevol. If you would agree with him and say that communications have no sense because no he would have insulted true meaningful words. He was not honest, it was not an honest expression of his being created in the image of God and thus is valuable. So my advice is to stop making impression and give uitdruking to your true being that there should be!. Afzien van expressie leidt tot depressie.

If you tend to impress the other person will know that you are impressed by that person and want him stabbing the windward, a competition concerns instead of real contact and real communication.

Levensinspiraties

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In m’n leven laat ik me door vrijwel alles inspireren. De belangrijkste inspiratie komt van de vele boeken die ik lees en van m’n vrienden en kennissen. Ook media als de radio, tv, twitter, kunstuitingen kunnen me inspireren.

De wijze leert van iedereen, de gemiddelde mens leert door schade en schande en de domme mens hoeft niks meer te leren want die denkt dat hij alles al weet.

Ik probeer de wijze te zijn in de wetenschap dat dwaasheid me niet vreemd is en probeer van iedereen en alles te leren al was het maar hoe het niet moet.

In inspiratie zit het woord spirit, je moet spirit hebben en open durven staan om het goede binnen te kunnen laten komen, een lerende attitude hebben, een lerende capaciteit.

Een man had het over z’n 7 vrienden die hem inspireerden en op ideeën brachten het waren: What, True, Which, When, Waarmee, Waarom en Wie, ofwel de 7 W’s uit de journalistiek en de verkoop. Vragen die hiermee beginnen leveren veel informatie op en daarmee ook inspiratie.

Mensen die veel te geven hebben zullen je dat nooit onthouden en graag willen delen van hun inzichten, mensen die je hun liefde,aandacht en informatie onthouden hebben meestal ook niets te bieden, het zijn bedelaars en parasieten die alleen maar even willen vangen, mijd ze, ze inspireren je niet maar werken je tegen. Zoek dus naar mensen die van zichzelf willen geven en delen en niet krenterig zijn en laat je inspireren.

Een van de meest inspirerende boeken die ik las was ‘ Codependent no more’ van Melody Beattie. Het was een eye opener voor me en m’n codependentie, waardoor ik er wat aan kon gaan doen, codependentie is de belangrijkste ontdekking van m’n leven tot nu toe.

Een zakenvriend die me het meest inspireerde is Sudesh Sukhraj. Hij zag me en zei: ‘In de Bhagavad Gita staat dat het een zonde is om tijd, energie en aandacht te besteden aan mensen die daar niks mee doen, want het betekent dat je diezelfde tijd, energie en aandacht onthoudt aan mensen die daar veel mee zouden doen en erg dankbaar voor zouden zijn’ Sudesh zag dat ik nogal eens de neiging had om parels voor de zwijnen te werpen.

Als je geïnspireerd bent besef je dat je en spiritueel wezen ben met een menselijke ervaring in plaats van een mens met een spirituele ervaring. Dit inzicht zorgt voor en totaal ander beeld van de wereld. Je verwacht dan geen perfecte wereld, maar ontwikkelt je zien tot in de perfectie.

Als je de verbinding zoekt met God, Man, het Universum krijg je steeds vaker dingen door die je inspireren, je bent dan ook verbonden met je Hogere Zelf en wordt mede-schepper met God, naar Zijn evenbeeld geschapen.

De stem van de schoonheid en liefde en waarheid spreekt heel zachtjes en wordt alleen gehoord als we stil kunnen zijn en ontwaakte zielen zijn, dan is elke dag een dag met veel inspiratie.

De juiste attitude hebben, de juiste instelling daar had Thomas Jefferson het over toen hij zei: ‘Niets kan een mens met een juiste geestelijke attitude stoppen om zijn doel te bereiken en niets op deze aarde kan een mens helpen met een foute geestelijke attitude.

Bron: Boek ‘Levensinspiraties’ dat medio 2012 will appear

Aardig doen als alternatief voor eerlijk zijn..

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My experience is that most people do like to want to be liked, you could call a codependent draw. They are nice instead of honest.

I read the good book "Caring enough to confront". we give enough to the other to confront him with his destructive behavior with the risk of conflict?. we have to make over?. We have so much love that we want to protect that person for his own enmity?. Most do not.

I was talking with a neighbor Piet hated neighbor Jenny, who walked through the streets a few dozen meters from him, He smiled kindly at her and waved to her and between his lips, inaudible to her, He said, 'Hello cunt-wijf'.Dat is doing nice alternative to face it in a nutshell, and it is more common than you might think.

How dare we be honest?. I know people who told me that I have a very high awareness and am gifted and wise, it was flattery, because she claimed no interest in my "wisdom", asked me a single question, , demonstrating did not mean what they said. That's you kidding codependent what you say and do not say what you mean.

Many people who ask you the automatic pilot how you're doing, interests which do not fuck, they are too busy with themselves.

Often we do our best to make a good impression on others even if we have to be dishonest purpose. go of impression management to express management(zie m’n artikel daarover).

The codependent plays the mister nice guy, but he's not so nice, He tells himself that he was lucky to escape his unhappy and so lie itself and the other for with his nice behavior calculative. He is doing well but it is not. Do you just being nice or are you also that's the question.

M’n zus zei: "I love you" with an intonation that sounded rather ominous. When I called her once I was set, she took I apologize to that bad news gave her a bad day and she added then that I just needed a kick in the ass. A friend said to me '' Your sister is just pain, you're a masochist if you do it by going to call her sometimes not then you will see that they never call you more 'I regularly sat down with the phone in my hands but did not call, I waited, I wait all over now 10 year they never took the trouble to call me, no interest, I love you, she said, a strange kind of love that. Lao Tse said that fine words are often not true.

Greetings

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The greetings can be both positive and negative. When I was little my niece Ineke Bartelink liked to say to me: ‘You must have my regards!’ and when I asked who she said smiling: ‘From Little Cock Rosewater’, what a joy she had.

When I call someone who has a visit from someone I know I always say hello to such a person and often I hear: 'greetings back'. I say then:’ How come back, should he not greet me, are they not welcome?!’

If you ask someone if he wants to do something for you and he says: 'greetings', then the party won't go on.

I received greetings from Elly from a woman I don't like at all and I let that woman know, I don't know what to do with it then.

Guiterman once said:How are you doing is a greeting, no question!’, how true and many don't think about that.

Ernst Marcus said: “The heart and mind are neighbors, they greet each other, they pay courtesy visits to each other, but they never become friends. As long as we're in our ego that's true, so for most of us, when we come to our Higher Self there will be a synthesis of feeling and mind, then you are congruent, or 'clear' as the Americans call it and you can greet happiness and prosperity, because then the law of attraction works for you.

I think the nicest postcards are those with ' greetings from…’, with some pictures of such a city or village on it, there are people who collect those postcards.

Tagore noted: "My last greeting is to those who know me in my imperfection and love me"

Tonglen

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Old Richard has aged, but not that much wiser, he thinks he lives in the 4th dimension and is now on his way to the 5th dimension. He looks down on me like a simple soul from the 3rd dimension. He gave me some unsolicited advice and that was it:"Breathe out the bad and inhale the good". I then said,:Thank you for your advice, but i do the exact opposite, I breathe in the bad and transform that and breathe in the good, love again". “But that is mastery,” he exclaimed in horror, because he thought I was incapable of that.

Tonglen is what the bodhisattvas do too, the bodhisattavas are realized beings who postpone buddhahood in order to better help others first.

What Richard suggested was give the shit and want to get the love, it is may I catch it and an abhorrence of pain with a tendency not to process it, no pain no gain. Love is in you and you give and share and then you automatically receive.

I read a wonderful story by Nancy Groom, she writes: “I remember the amazement I felt when my counselor cried when I told her a story of abuse. I hadn't felt the depth of my grief on my own until my counselor mirrored it to me through her tears and then I was able to let my pain come in at a much deeper level.". Which counselor has so much love to give that he or she can cry for the client's pain?, I have not encountered them, they were all cold and aloof and called that behavior a professional attitude and so were very pleased with themselves and felt superior, there was no love in it.

Allowing the pain of the other to enter and giving love in return, that's tonglen and that reminds me of my father. I told him things weren't going so well with me and my marriage and then he got tears in his eyes and felt my pain, which I only then became more aware of, I felt his love for me and his sympathy and pity and that did me good. It also opened my eyes to the fact that I had hidden and repressed that bad feeling from myself. When I hear Kate Bush's song 'The man with the child in his eyes' I think of my father with love.

The western world is in his thinking and that bothered me too. Letting the pain come in and realizing that you can give even more love and it will get more the more you give and share. Giving and receiving are one.

We cannot have love and compassion for another if we do not have it for ourselves first, that is a condition for being able to do tonglen, start small with the pain of a friend or acquaintance and let it come in and give back love and then build it up and up until you get to your town or city. Tonglen means "take and give" in Tibetan. By accepting and feeling the suffering of others, we learn to do the same for ourselves.

As you progress with tonglen along the way, you can imagine taking in all the misery of the world you know, all darkness, negativity you let your heart absorb, you breathe it in. When you exhale, joy comes, compassion and love and you give that back to the world. The moment you take in the suffering of the world, you will find that it is no longer suffering. Pain is there, but suffering is a choice.

My friend Peter de Kock drew my attention to the story of a donkey that fell into an old well. The farmer thought "It's an old donkey and not much use anymore and the well needs to be filled in anyway so let it sit there" With his neighbours, the farmer started throwing dirt into the well to fill up the well. At first the donkey was startled by this, but then brayed gently and lovingly. The farmer looked into the well and was amazed to see that the donkey shook off the dirt and stood on it, getting higher and higher, until he could get out of the well. Moral of this story is: Life also shovels dirt on you the trick is to get out of the pit and shake off the dirt and use it as stepping stones to get out of the pit and beyond.