Assertive questions

Assertieve communicatie

Duke Robinson writes in his book 'Too nice for your own good' about assertive communication. He gives the following example and also examples of what not to do.

Assertive:

"I would like it if you hold me for a while", of

"Would you hold me for a minute?"?’

 

Do not:

"I shouldn't have to ask you to hold me" (negative)

"Why don't you just hold me?!’ (negative and indirect)

"You should hold me in times like these" (moralistic)

“Loving people hold onto the one they love in times like these” (indirect and manipulative)

 

I'll add myself:

Do not:

"You never even hold me" (reproachfully, indirectly)

"Hold me right now!!’ (claiming, compelling)

"I saw someone holding their partner and that made me jealous because I don't have one" (indirectly, manipulatief)

"Take off your coat and comb your hair before you hold me" (controlling, claiming)

"Are you going to hold me because you want something from me?’ (suspicious, paranoia)

"If you hold me now, I will cook for you" (do business, bribe)

"If you don't hold me now I won't sleep with you tonight" (blackmail)

'A man walked into the market with a sign 'free hugs' I didn't even have to ask for it, always with you" (reproachfully)

"I want you to hold me now or I'm going to cry and scream" (playing victim, manipulative, threatening)

 

 

Geluk

Almost everyone wants happiness in his life, To be happy. But the more we pursue the further the happiness itself away from us. We will have to achieve a good balance between sense and sensibility, self-knowledge and self-understanding in order to find happiness. Good luck ass to the prepared mind.

There once was a young kitten turned laps in a frantic attempt to grab its tail. A wise hangover comes to the kitten and asks what he is doing. Kitten says, panting: "I heard that happiness is in your tail and now I want to grab it '' That's exactly right ',says the wise,old tomcat but I noticed that when I walk quietly through the happiness me naturally follows.

And so it is relaxed, relax, serene go through life and assume that you are lucky worthy solves many problems. To the desired bump off very desire and fear the dreaded calls on. Love drives out fear and want then you should give and share if you love your life. If you change a lovingly, compassionate man than the world changes around you. You meet all of a sudden the right people and punch the wrong people off. You meet the builders and repels the demolition and there will be more happiness in your life. Gratitude leads to happiness. Count your blessings and be thankful for what the other just likes. See special in ordinary and let you marvel at the miracle that you yourself. Scott Peck zei: "People who do not believe in miracles is itself a miracle '

Once there was a king who wanted to meet God. He put an ad in the newspaper but got no reaction because who adheres there now doing. He decided to go to an Indian sage who could really help him. The sage said:“I must know who you are before you can meet God.” “I am the king”,said the king. "Yes, that's your role in society but who are you?’ ,spoke the way. "I am the father of two children and married ', said the king. "That's your social role but who are you really",spoke the way. "I do not know," said the king, the manner in which said:"Know first who you are and you will meet God '. Know that you are a child of God and that you just 5 until 10% use of your potential, and you have many options and be open to the unknown.

Many people cling to the familiar which afflicts them for fear of the unknown. You have every reason to be afraid of the known and the unknown to look forward with confidence towards happiness that is your inheritance and what you are entitled to. said my friend Leon:"Henny is the way inside" and that comment I had enough and took my heart. I went, as my friend Elly said of hard to heart…

This article has been published in the magazine Spiegelbeeld and will appear in my book 'Levenskunst & geluk’ dat in 2013 will appear

 

The will

Here a pdf about 'the will', with the various perspectives on whether or not free will exists

The article 'the will'’ will be included in the book 'Life Inspirations'’ from me that in august 2012 will be published at Uitgeverij Boekenbent and ca. 250 a 300 will contain pages on topics that contribute to further awareness, the highway to the heart of interdependence

click here: the will

 

 

Nothing human is strange you

If you accept yourself completely, with all your shadow sides, your negative aspects, are you whole and complete and are you everything and are you an artist of life. Knowing that nothing human is alien to you is liberating. You won't be offended so easily, because you know that everything can suit you.

We often tend to project onto others the aspects that we do not recognize and do not accept for ourselves. In fact, when we are codependent, we attract a partner who is unable or unwilling to give love and attention and in doing so, such a person mirrors the lovelessness we have towards ourselves and we don't want to see that so we give the partner's fault.

Also, certain comments will be a trigger to old, unprocessed pain, which has yet to be healed and transformed. It is very good to ask yourself what is the most terrible thing that people can say about you, you can bet that's a repressed shadow side of you that you don't want to acknowledge and accept….

The true wise and artist of life knows that he can also be foolish. Truth is usually paradoxical. Nietzsche said that very nicely when he said: “The wise are not expected to commit follies.”, which is a violation of human rights!’. I find that very beautiful and recognizable.

You have a devil in you, an enemy, which you are often not aware of and then he exercises power over you, you may take that enemy in and make it work for you instead of against you. Rumi zei: "He who recognizes no flaws in himself is his own enemy". Mary J. Blige zone: ‘The enemy is me!’.

Robert Burney writes about the whole person. He is writing: “This work is about becoming an integrated, heel, mature person in action in the sense of learning from life and responding(i.t.t. react) on living conditions and other people. The only way we can become whole is to take possession of all parts of ourselves, by acknowledging all our parts we can choose how we respond to life. By denial, hide, repressing parts of ourselves we are doomed to live a life in response'.

Many react to circumstances and others and thus allow themselves to be determined by them and are then a willful victim of it instead of responding from the core of your being which is love.

When we react it is often based on old experiences or expectations about the future and then we are not in the NOW, the only moment that really exists and so we don't live to the fullest, are we not an artist of life.

Giving a response is being in the Now, Osho was also very right to point this out and Eckhart Tolle too.

As long as parts of us, bossing our subpersonalities and ego we are not whole and not an artist of life, are we not congruent, hasn't the boss come home yet?….

Bron: Book 'Art of Living & geluk’ Henny Bos, the end 2012 begin 2013 opens

frog stories

The depicted above, meditating frog gift I received from my dear friend Elly, I find him very funny and also a great idea to joke about meditation, to make it not too heavy and too serious. Here are some stories about frogs and their awareness

Osho had about the beautiful story of the pool frog which was visited one day by the ocean frog, The pool frog jump over a quarter of its coil and said:"Is the ocean so big?’ ‘Nee, much bigger’ said the ocean frog. Then leap frog over half of its coil and again questioned whether the ocean was so great, The answer again was "much bigger". Finally leap frog over its entire coil and said:'This is everything, larger ocean can not be '. We may wonder how we do almost all coil frogs and have no idea of ​​the big picture. Goethe gods:"If we have no idea of ​​the whole, we do not realize how fragmentary is our perception and knowledge’

” It is one of the most
resulting misconceptions
that the limit of our perception force
Also the border of everything
what is true is to be taken.”
C.W. Leadbeater

Two frogs ended up in a bucket of milk, the edge was too high, said a frog:'I give up, it makes no sense and drowned ', The other frog paddled with his feet as long as had become the milk butter and jumped out of the bucket.

Ten frogs wanted to climb a steep mountain, na zo'n 500 meter says a frog:"It's too steep, I give up', After a further 100 m say 8 other frogs' That first frog was right, it's too steep’ and gave up, However, one frog quietly climbed further, reaching the top, How can that be you ask yourself, Well that frog was deaf.

A hare questioned how it went with the animals, First he went to a cow and said:"It is going very well plonsje plonsje in and out ', when a horse and who also said:"Very very good plonsje plonsje in and out ', All animals were talking about plonsje in and out plonsje, Finally he came to a frog who said: "I'm doing not so well because I'm plonsje’

With a very wide mouth said breedbekkikker against the animals 'I am a breedbekkikker'. Then came a stork to him asking if he had seen a nice breedbekkikker, with a narrow mouth breedbekkikker said then that he knew nothing of it.

A frog came into a bar and asked for a coke, the bartender said he had to do but be patient, when the frog whined again cola, in Zei barkeeper:"If you continue like I nail you to the wall '. The frog whined on and the bartender nail him to the wall, beside Jesus on the cross and the frog said to Jesus:"Did you also nagged cola?’.

On my toilet hanging a picture of a stork with a frog in its beak, only the arms and legs of the frog stabbing there and you see the frog with his hands strangling the stork, above is the text:’Never ever give up’, the ooivaar looks very upset. If my scanner does it again, I will scan this cute illustration and publishing

In 2011 I dreamed about frogs that swam to the surface of a lake, I peed over them and they found it good too. My friend Elly indicated the dream quite like saying: "Quakers should you put down!’

There comes a frog cafe and orders a whiskey, He is charged with 10 euro and the bartender thinks frogs do not know much will depend on the prices and thus shows only 50 eurocent back check:"Gosh a frog in my bar drinking whiskey which you do not often see". "That sounds about right does the frog what do you want with these prices, I see you no more here!’

There has been an experiment with frogs how they react to circumstances, The first frog was thrown in hot water and jumped out again immediately, the second frog was put on fire in cold water, the water was getting hotter, but the frog sat and cooked death, so the people go when conditions gradually get worse we find out and can be fatal and we can if we 35 as if a zombie life and therefore are more dead than alive, and only when we are buried 80 zijn….

Finally, a story of the frog as a philosopher, I found the story on the Internet:

A centipede runs with a thousand legs. One day he comes to frog. The Frog, the filosoof what, observing him for a while and was worried. It was hard to walk on four legs, but this centipede was a thousand feet. That was a miracle! How centipede decided which leg he had to do first and what then, and what then? ?So the frog held the centipede standing and asked the question: "You set me a riddle. A problem arises that I can not solve. How do you walk? How do you play it done? It seems an impossibility ". ?The centipede replied somewhat surprised: "Um, I walk all my life, but I've never really thought about. Now it asks if I will think about it and then tell you. "?For the first time there were thoughts in the consciousness of the centipede. En ja, Frog was right - which leg he had to do first? The centipede stood there a few minutes, He could resist no leg. He staggered and fell to. ?And he said to the frog: "Ask that question please not even a centipede. I walk all my life and never had problems with it, but now you have signed my death warrant! I could resist no longer leg, and how is it then with a thousand legs?”

from: Spring in your heart

 

Bron: Boek ‘Levensinspiraties’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt najaar 2012)