Kernovertuigingen
Attached is a pdf with a lot of information about core beliefs that can lead to awareness that you are in the drama triangle
Niets
Als er niets was,
waren er ook geen wetten
en was dus alles toegestaan
en was niets verboden
Niets verbiedt dus zichzelf
Norwood
Robin Norwood is de grondlegster van de Norwood-vrouwengroepen en auteur van ‘Women who love too much’, in het Nederlands vertaald met ‘Als hij maar gelukkig is’, met als ondertitel ‘vrouwen die teveel in de liefde investeren’ en dat is precies wat de beschreven vrouwen doen: investeren, dus zakendoen met berekenend gedrag om rendement te halen en dat is helemaal geen liefde.
Een betere titel voor het boek zou zijn geweest: ‘Women who control too much’ of in het Nederlands: ‘Als hij maar verandert’. De beschreven vrouwen zijn allemaal uit op controle en dominantie en manipuleren hun partner, die hen gelukkig moet maken, omdat ze zichzelf ongelukkig en leeg voelen en codependent zijn, zonder dat te beseffen.
Robin noemt die vrouwen aantrekkelijk, capabel en intelligent, ik vind dat het opsokkelen van losers die ernstig getraumatiseerd zijn en geen enkele zelfreflectie aan de dag leggen. De partner deugt niet en die zullen ze wel even ‘redden’ en ‘verbeteren’ en veranderen, een nogal aanmatigende, belerende en arrogante houding die een overcompensatie is van minderwaardigheids-gevoelens die zo eigen zijn aan codependentie. Ze projecteren hun eigen ellende op hun partner die hen alleen maar spiegelt(soort zoekt soort)
Norwood schrijft over een vrouwelijke cliënt die zegt: ‘Maar hoe kon ik weten dat ik hulp nodig had?, ik dacht dat ik het allemaal prima deed!’. Rumi zei: ‘Wie in zichzelf geen gebreken ontdekt is zijn eigen vijand’ En dan is er geen liefde maar haat en zelfafkeer, die gespiegeld wordt door de partner die ze kiezen. Ze kiezen voor het bekende en dat is vijandschap en zelfafkeer. M’n vriend Peter de Kock zei: ‘Codependentie is in oorlog zijn met jezelf’ en vele auteurs en wijzen delen die mening met hem. Als je in oorlog bent met jezelf kom je dus ook in oorlog met je partner ‘t is besmettelijk. Wat die vrouwen, what Norwood is talking about, dan doen is de partner de schuld geven, die deugt dan niet en dan vluchten ze naar een nieuwe relatie, zonder iets geleerd te hebben en maken weer dezelfde fouten, niet erg intelligent.
Norwood schrijft:’Omdat we niet van onszelf kunnen houden hebben we hem nodig om ons ervan te overtuigen dat we het waard zijn om liefgehad te worden’ Dat is heel onintelligent gedrag. Bovendien is het zo dat als hij zegt dat hij van de vrouw houdt, ze hem niet zal geloven omdat ze niet eens van zichzelf houdt, dus hoe kan iemand wel van ‘r houden?. Daar komt nog bij dat als je niet van jezelf houdt je niet eens in staat bent om van een ander te houden, het is onmogelijk, dan ga je in plaats van teveel liefde te geven controleren, domineren, verbeteren, veranderen naar je eigen beeld en dat is geen liefde. Een Amerikaanse actrice zei het heel mooi ze zei dat een vrouw haar partner zo lang probeert te veranderen tot zo hem niet meer moet.
” Het succes van de liefde,
ligt in de liefde zelf
– niet in het resultaat van de liefde.
Het is natuurlijk dat we in de liefde graag het beste voor de ander wensen, maar of dit nu zo uitdraait of niet, doet niets af aan de waarde van de liefde die we schonken.”
Mother Teresa
Norwood schrijft over een vrouw die te zeer liefheeft: ‘Ik voelde met sterker, wijzer en wereldser dan hem’, dat is de vergelijkingsval en superieur denken, waar minderwaardigheid aan ten grondslag ligt. Als je je meer voelt dan je partner is er al geen gelijkwaardigheid meer en is dat pathologisch gedrag. Als de Norwood groepen zich baseren op het boek van Robin Norwoord houd ik m’n hart vast voor de desastreuse gevolgen. Al de beschreven vrouwen vertonen codependent gedrag en zouden meer naar hun eigen aandeel moeten leren kijken om tot heling en genezing te komen, zouden meer aan zelfreflectie moeten doen en hun schaduwkanten moeten leren zien en erkennen en transformeren. Freud zei: ‘De mens is beter dan hij weet, maar slechter dan hij denkt’ En Lao tse zei:’Mooie woorden zijn vaak niet waar en ware woorden zijn vaak niet mooi’. Norwood sokkelt de vrouwen op door ervan uit te gaan dat zijn teveel lief hebben en dus goed zijn, waar het tegendeel waar is. Nietzsche waarschuwde al voor de ‘goeden’ hij zei dat het de giftigste vliegen zijn die steken
Van aanklager/vervolger naar agressor
If I have to make the core quadrant for the prosecutor / persecutor sees it as follows from:
It can discover errors and deliver critical to his qualities but if you exaggerate than the aggression and it can lead to abuse, The challenge then is to be loving and accepting others, if you magnify your returns, the people pleaser who finds everything good and this is the allergy prosecutor / persecutor because he can not stand.
Codependent behavior where nothing is done to aggravate itself, so the prosecutor can be an aggressor quickly. The prosecutor finds himself right and others not so he can learn those other penalties and a lesson, criminals often think in terms of, I'm fine the other is not okay and I should therefore be abusing or killing.
The aggressor violates the boundaries of the other and does not respect the values of others and calls its own values to the other on.
The aggressor can not express his anger in a constructive way and does his fury on the other often physical violence that he justifies.
The aggressor gives the other always to blame, when he raped a woman then that was her fault because she provoked, she asked for it, he says, and takes his right and justifies his behavior.
The aggressor has no self-reflection and projects its shadow side to the other before he punishes. Rumi zei: "He does not recognize his own faults is his own enemy" and that is the aggressor, which are enmity takes out on his victims.
I am sometimes a prosecutor / persecutor, especially when I play 'now-have-I-you-up thing' again play. But I realize now that I sit in a dramadriehoekrol and then get out again quickly to make it not to physical violence or abuse are. I can think of non-violent communication and see my anger as a signal of unmet needs and my needs to the attention, though I also know that anger is sometimes necessary to give to firm your limits and not to violate.
A friend I met a man I'll call Klaas, He pointed my friend on his mistakes and showed himself a prosecutor / persecutor. He called himself paranormal and thought he was a master who had to tell the others what to think, feeling and doing. Klaas I pointed out that he could learn a lot from my friend about sensitivity, because I missed quite boorish husband at this ungainly, He contemptuously shrugged his nose at my suggestion, he learn from his victim was unthinkable for him. Klaas was the aggressor, my friend, I heard that he was arrested for sexual assault of young girls times his sessions with the girls, He is now a prison from which he might find himself completely unjustified.
We all know football hooligans who denounce the party and then shoot aggression and fight each other with chains and baseball bats to vent their anger, it is fear that these people let guided and complete unconsciousness and stupidity. Leary's Rose gives all clear that by, opposition evokes and provokes together cooperation, you have caused many reactions themselves.
The aggressor is not aware of his aggression, anger and fear, and therefore these issues are the boss over him. You're only in control of the things you know and where you are aware of, have awareness of. You can not have mastery over things that you deny and do not know…..
awakening
Most people do not think about to wake up, because they imagine that they are already awake(-). The Buddha was awakened named, he realized that he was asleep and woke up, the same thing happened with Jesus Christ, Lao Tse en vele anderen, but we take no notice of it….
You only realize that you're awake, awake when you realized you were sleeping, you dreamed you were awake but that was no real awakening that was illusion, maya
The biggest obstacle, the biggest obstacle to genuine awakening is the thought that you're awake, an illusion that is very strong and really seems.
Vernon Howard was even a question from a student who asked what the difference was between him and an awakened and Howard then answered: You think he sees!"When you're awake you see first what, without judgment and with appreciation and love for what, take pure and clear than what.
In 1992 I got a psychosis and thought the world ended, in fact wrecked my old world and that turned out to be a blessing. I tell my psychiatrist said:"I want to wake up 'and they understood that not because they were still asleep itself, they took it literally and saw that my body was awake, but my mind was asleep and they had no regard for. You are not your body, you occupy only temporarily as you stay in a house and you are not your house.
Vernon Howard, an American Buddha, suggests that most people are asleep and dream that they are awake and therefore taking no action to wake and sleep more.
When I look at the people I know and have met, I have to agree with Howard Vernon, 95% is asleep and that estimate is on the low side!
I have been fortunate to have some people who have awakened to meet and recognize and acknowledge and make up my friend, however, I can count them on the fingers of one hand so rare they are, and I've been lucky that I have attracted people, Most people never get an awakened against and if they do so then they do not see him or her because they are asleep themselves.
Someone who can not perceive an awakened asleep and someone who has awakened can see exactly who's been asleep and who is awake and who are awakening and have love and compassion, like the Buddha.
Awakening meant to me an awareness that I am one with the whole, the cosmos, the Great Spirit, God not only'm separated. This unit provides experience love and compassion and empathy, peace and happiness and harmony, all higher energies
You can wake up anytime when you turn inward and honestly it perceives the divine in yourself and therefore are negative, lower energies away and there is non-duality, unity in love, what is the highest achievement for me.
Vernon Howard also says that YOU are the biggest problem you've ever known. As long as you can the divine are not, there is no place for, then there is no real, unique, authentic life possible.
Goethe was also an awakened and he said:"The older I get, the milder I am, For all the mistakes I see around me, I recognize myself 'and I recognize myself enormously and you do not blame the other person that he has not yet awakened, some still need some sleep
One of my favorite animals was cock because those people up in the morning crowing and the church (wind)indicating direction.
As you read this, your body will be awake, but what about your mind?
Do you feel one with everything or dream you remember that you are on your own and are separated from all, that is the difference…..
I do not feel more or better than myself another, with Vernon Howard I say I am an ordinary man who discovers the extraordinary.
I quote here a while a text of Neale Donald Walsch in, he says:
…that virtue cannot separate itself from reality
without becoming a principle of evil.
Albert Camus said that, and he was right.
When we become too virtuous, when we think
ourselves to be oh, so right, we become dangerous
to ourselves and others.
Be careful of those who imagine themselves to be on
the High Road while everyone else is walking the Low.
If they really are on the High Road, they will offer to take
everyone else with them, not simply tell others that they
are going the wrong way.
I do not find myself virtuous, only I realized that I was asleep and it struck me that not, because everyone slept around me. And now I'm willing to others to point out that there is also an awakened state in which happiness reigns, I wish everyone. If you know you want happiness in your life and give their share and I am doing this.