Niveaus van heling

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Om uit je slachtofferschap te komen zijn er niveaus van heling die Lori Rekowski beschrijft in haar boek: ‘A victim no more – how to stop being taken advantage of’. We mogen bedenken dat de aanklager en redder in feite ook slachtoffers zijn, mensen die zich door angst laten leiden(lijden).

says Lori:

ideas + Emotions = bad decision

ideas + Emotions + logic = healthy decision

 

Here's her schedule that I translated:

-1- awareness, You identify with the victim's behavior

 

-2- Principals to change old patterns and begin putting into practice of healing methods

 

-3- step by step begin to see the benefits of using the methods.

 

-4- you're on the 'processes' and integrate new insights and let go of old patterns

 

-5- The will is stronger to create more balance in your life

 

-6- increased awareness of your ability to live the life you want to manifest.

 

-7- your self-esteem grows significantly

 

-8- you stop creating drama and pulls mentors in your life.

 

-9- confidence to 'act' life and to be able to

 

-10- experiences more fun, geluk, clarity and peace in your daily life.

 

In the final stage, there is a transition. As a victim you know very little and think it know to have and at the final stage you know you do not know and therefore can investigate. Socrates said that: "Now I know that I know nothing 'and Einstein said: "The more I know the more I discover that I do not know '. You work than grace, and see everything as a loving gift or something to learn, nothing is without value and meaning for you.

On my toilet hanging my judgment: "The less people know, The more they think they know 'and that's the trap and step up to mischief in the drama triangle, which we are not aware of

So it is to unlearn all the negative and destructive patterns. Inayat Khan, the great Sufi master had also talked about unlearning and that is more difficult than learning. It is difficult to disidentify us of our old behaviors because we are so accustomed to the familiar. It is a question of fear motivation to go for love motivation.

Schema in de slachtofferrol versus in je persoonlijke kracht

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Hierbij een pdf van een schema over slachtofferrol versus persoonlijke kracht

Bron: Boek: ‘De Dramadriehoek’ – Henny Bos , verschijnt medio 2013)

pdf.Schema in de slachtoffervalkuil of in je persoonlijke kracht

Regrediëren

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Regress means that we return to an earlier developmental stage of our lives and so do the players in the drama triangle constantly.

They are again demanding child(aanklager) or internalized rightly pointing older(aanklager) or internalized caring parent(redder/helper) or the abused child or verontachtzame(slachtoffer).

Jeru Kaball wrote in his Clarity Process all about the fact that we are all still in essence as the 5 year-old child and that our essence has not developed further and is much in it. We often develop just spend our personality without much attention to our essence. Gurdjieff also pointed out already that we work too little to our essence and in many ways with him

We do not listen to the wise and think they know it better. Bruno Groening said: "He who strikes the board pointing in the wind is beyond help '. Such a person hangs or shoots back in earlier stages of development and thus regresses.

When we are offended or unfairly treated triggers often our ancient past hurts and we react based on that old pain rather than to give a response from our adult self.

In the reaction, on the other, there is often question of transfer and displacement. We treat the other innocent as if he is having done to us what, while in just past by another that happened again regress. It is quite common and most of us do not even know the word does not even to my thick Dale!.

We must nurture our inner child, but need not be childish and as a child to react now we are mature. If we respond mature we get this automatically from the drama triangle, because that the adult does not participate.

Americans are either over reenactment again knocking out old unresolved childhood traumas we suppressed. This is done repeatedly until we understand what's going on. Freud had to say about the repetition compulsion and the French: 'The story repeats itself'.

During regression therapy we go back to our youth aware you still be aware of your childhood traumas and process them now and transform.

If we do nothing, we walk away from the old pain of our youth and we displace it to the subconscious which is stronger than the 9x conscious and therefore often determines our behavior with all the unpleasant consequences.

Process and then transforms to play your childhood traumas rather than running them in the drama triangle, switching possibly a counselor, coach or therapist, but do what I can recommend.

Bron: Book The Drama Triangle’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt medio 2013)

Macht en manipulatie

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In the drama triangle power and manipulation play a major role. Nietzsche had already Der Wille zur Macht 'that characterizes the ego. The ego that wants to play lead and playing in the drama triangle. The ego manipulates to his own way and equal to want. Machiavelli said: "The end justifies the means" and that creed used in the triangle.

George Simon Jr. -Ph.D. wrote the beautiful book 'in sheep's clothing - understanding and dealing with manipulative people' George scored points when he says that the wolves clothe themselves in sheep's clothes and appear innocent. They are often eloquent, charming and can with flattering words you get exactly where they want you have. They're without you watch that pull down and frustrate. If you do not know you can hurt and damage. All of which you are not aware you can hurt and you can win the slave and victim to be.

The prosecutor manipulates his behavior and words themselves have power. The rescuer feels deep inside worthless and wants power over the victim to feel still worth something. The victim manipulated by doing pathetic, crying and his helplessness in which he saddles the rescuer with guilt anyway to help. He ensures that the rescuer feels guilty if he does not help the victim and the victim seizes power.

If possible victim also allows for the rescuer is a bad man will feel if he does not help the victim with his misery, he still causing himself and he clean up another late. Goethe gods: "The worst thing that a human being can happen is that he is going to feel bad about themselves'

If the rescuer notices that the plaintiff victims in his place put the rescuer will sue the prosecutor and thus itself become a prosecutor and if not then helps victims. And so the circle goes on forever.

Only he who feels powerless wants power, we often want what we do not have rather than to be happy and thankful for / with what we have.

In the drama triangle is about power over others rather than the power of something and yourself.

We play in the drama triangle games with each other. The prosecutor like playing the "Now-I-Have-You-Ellen Sharing, Rescuer play "Look-Once-The-well.I-Ben 'and the victim play" Poor-I "and" Look-Once-What-You-Me-If-Lets-Do'., these are some of the many games we play.

Eric Berne wrote the book "Games people play" bad translated into Dutch by 'Ludo', it is a recommended book to be aware of the games that you play and you them to loosen and real and to be authentic.

Bron: Book The Drama Triangle’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt medio 2013)

Hurt people hurt…

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Hurt people hurt. Either hurt people hurt and all participants in the drama triangle are hurt people. They have the best intentions in most cases but often do the bad. The Bible also states that and says: "We want the good but do the bad...". Victims often become perpetrators.

When you are in pain you only think about yourself and you pass your pain on to the other. If you know joy and happiness then you want to share that with others and that is what you have to give.

The accuser unconsciously takes out his anger on the other person. The rescuer does not want to feel nothing and tries to feel good through his help and is therefore selfish without realizing it. The victim has often been hurt in the past and gets stuck in it and he passes that on again.

Just pay attention to what people say and how they say it. The French say so beautifully: 'It's the tone that makes the music'. A woman who spoke of her happiness and love did so with a grave voice and sad look, nothing was right, I kept asking and then it turned out that she absolutely couldn't stand mistakes and she denied and so learned nothing from it and was still a victim. She said 'I'll get through the day that way', like it's a difficult task. I got tired of that woman, her energy was very negative and heavy it was of a low frequency and she was an energy guzzler. I will avoid contact with such a person, because a victim always wants to be right and is not open to the opinions and ideas of others, contact makes no sense. They want their right instead of their happiness. It is also the people who claim to have been divorced guiltlessly and therefore do not recognize that they may have made mistakes themselves and therefore remain victims, as a reward, it gives them attention and help.

Osho talked about beggars who have nothing and beg each other for the love and attention they don't have because they haven't developed it, have not bothered to develop and become aware and become a giver and sharer. They project their own misery onto others. You are what you see and do. We used to say at school: 'It takes one to know one!’, a great wisdom of which we did not realize the value at the time.

Sometimes it is the case that someone who has been hurt himself does not want to hurt anyone anymore and becomes a people pleaser and is therefore unfair and does not dare to confront another with his bad behavior and accepts the unacceptable and that is codependent behavior.

It is also: Hurt people get hurt’. When you're hurt, you get hurt faster, because that is so familiar and well known. De Bijbel zegt: "The truth will make you free ', that's totally true, but for hurt people, the truth is what enrages them and hurts them, they oppose it.

I called a victim a victim and she got mad and said I was hurting her instead of becoming aware of her victimhood and doing something about it, she fended everything off and didn't even think about it. Vernon Howard zei: "There is a new life but the old life doesn't even show the interest to even explore it"…An American said: ‘Some people get better others get bitter’. Injured people become sour faster, bitter and frustrated., they hurt themselves again.

Hurt people are often very afraid of being hurt again(and fear attracts the dreaded!). They build walls around them for protection and it is striking that if you have a protective and shielded attitude you cannot learn and are not open, nothing can come in, so you keep the misery alive. Americans call that reenactment or repeating and replaying your childhood traumas, with all the misery that entails for yourself and the other.

Also, the law of attraction works. Hurt people attract hurt people and hurts!, zonder dat te beseffen. It will increase until the bottom is reached and whoever is concerned sees that he has to change. Until then there is fear of change and resistance.

The accuser is easily hurt by others and has a short fuse and then proceeds to counterattack. The savior hurts himself by not paying attention to his own needs and being completely focused on the other. The victim is all hurt, what he complains about and has a lot of self-pity instead of doing something about it.

They all want understanding without understanding themselves and the other. Gandhi said very nicely: Be the change you want to see in the world yourself!’, a wise and good advice.

Bron: ‘De Dramadriehoek’ – Henny Bos (verschijnt in 2013)