The inner child and anger

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angry child

Many children from their parents should not be furious, which was rejected, then they were no longer loves us. she even said; "You're naughty" rather than "You're naughty", So they played on the man and that we attract to us very much because we are still fully dependent on our parents

We're angry because we do not focus, erkenning, waardering, love and respect given that we had such a need. We're going to sublimate anger and exhibit passive-aggressive behavior by lying transverse, watching, make sarcastic remarks, humor have at the expense of the other, leedvermaak, To play devil's advocate, offend, denying attention, things to 'forget', the other 'gagging'(the silent treatment), you obnoxious act, you annoy quickly, deliver much criticism, often unnecessarily being late, etc.etc.

We project our repressed anger often on the other, we can then blame. Like we ensure that our other repressed anger plays out for us by making him or her hurt by our behavior and there to have fun and then the other to blame, self-reflection is alien to us, that's scary.

Thich Nhat Hanh schreef het boek 'je Omarm woede', that's good advice. Recognize that your anger is there and see it as a messenger that you bring a valuable message has, namely that you did not get your parents and is now trying to get out of vain. You can book your anger get you where you need also can give to yourself and be loving to yourself, Be a loving mother and father for yourself, who love you unconditionally for who you are and(Nietzsche zei: "Become who you are '). See also my article Become who you are.

Anger is often seen as a negative emotion, and negative emotions are rejected. Osho says that if you do not want to recognize the negative emotions you recognize any emotion. You will be a thinker, a robot…A negative emotion is simply a messenger that you are going to tell you what to change.

Behind anger can sit an unmet need or exceeded your limits by another and so you come to better understand your needs and boundaries

Mencius said he would pay more attention in the next life to its needs rather than desires, a sensible advice

If you never dare to be furious, chances are that you let walk all over you, 're a doormat and too much up and displaces, you will be sad rather than angry and if you really anger inside let you become depressed. It's not supposed to hurt others with your anger, but you may have to send a clear signal. Osho said that grief anger is turned upside, He said that if you make a mad person sad anger is gone and conversely it is reciprocal inhibition

A woman who dared to be said, not angry: "I'd rather not," and did not understand that it is too weak, so that the other person is nothing attracts and rolled over her and dominates. Since the woman may learn that they must bring their own dominance developed in order to live well. Your environment is in fact the mirror of yourself. And dominance was mirrored in this case had repressed women and should bring development

Erger jij je aan anderen?

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If you get annoyed at others you might repressed shadow side of yourself and against aspects of yourself that you do not want to recognize and thus frustrate you and sabotage, knowing more? Bel: 0314 – 34 38 21 of mail: hennybos@xs4all.nl with your question or request

Macht en manipulatie

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In the drama triangle power and manipulation play a major role. Nietzsche had already Der Wille zur Macht 'that characterizes the ego. The ego that wants to play lead and playing in the drama triangle. The ego manipulates to his own way and equal to want. Machiavelli said: "The end justifies the means" and that creed used in the triangle.

George Simon Jr. -Ph.D. wrote the beautiful book 'in sheep's clothing - understanding and dealing with manipulative people' George scored points when he says that the wolves clothe themselves in sheep's clothes and appear innocent. They are often eloquent, charming and can with flattering words you get exactly where they want you have. They're without you watch that pull down and frustrate. If you do not know you can hurt and damage. All of which you are not aware you can hurt and you can win the slave and victim to be.

The prosecutor manipulates his behavior and words themselves have power. The rescuer feels deep inside worthless and wants power over the victim to feel still worth something. The victim manipulated by doing pathetic, crying and his helplessness in which he saddles the rescuer with guilt anyway to help. He ensures that the rescuer feels guilty if he does not help the victim and the victim seizes power.

If possible victim also allows for the rescuer is a bad man will feel if he does not help the victim with his misery, he still causing himself and he clean up another late. Goethe gods: "The worst thing that a human being can happen is that he is going to feel bad about themselves'

If the rescuer notices that the plaintiff victims in his place put the rescuer will sue the prosecutor and thus itself become a prosecutor and if not then helps victims. And so the circle goes on forever.

Only he who feels powerless wants power, we often want what we do not have rather than to be happy and thankful for / with what we have.

In the drama triangle is about power over others rather than the power of something and yourself.

We play in the drama triangle games with each other. The prosecutor like playing the "Now-I-Have-You-Ellen Sharing, Rescuer play "Look-Once-The-well.I-Ben 'and the victim play" Poor-I "and" Look-Once-What-You-Me-If-Lets-Do'., these are some of the many games we play.

Eric Berne wrote the book "Games people play" bad translated into Dutch by 'Ludo', it is a recommended book to be aware of the games that you play and you them to loosen and real and to be authentic.

Bron: Book The Drama Triangle’ – Henny Bos, op 5-2-2014 Henny Bos will give a lecture about power and manipulation in Groningen, Further information will follow

Confronteren

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Durven we de ander in onze communicatie te confronteren met z’n slechte gedrag?, of doen we aardig in plaats van eerlijk te zijn?(zie m’n artikel ‘aardig doen als alternatief voor eerlijk zijn).

Ik las het boek ‘Caring enough to confront’, ofwel geef je genoeg om die ander om hem te confronteren en eventueel een conflict aan te gaan op weg naar meer herlderheid en waarheid en bewustwording. Dat kan pijn doen maar Amerikanen zeggen: ‘no pain no gain’, zonder pijn geen vooruitgang.

Ik confronteerde m’n vriend Peter Jan met z’n advocaat van de duivel. Ik zei niet dat hij dat was, maar dat hij een subpersoonlijkheid in zich had die heel graag advocaat van de duivel speelt. Peter Jan wist m’n confrontatie en reflectie op prijs te stellen en bedankte me, maar zo gaat het niet bij iedereen, vaak levert confrontatie conflict op zoals bij een andere vriend van me die ik Karel zal noemen.

Ik confronteerde Karel met m’n waarnemeing dat hij vooral in z’n hoofd zat, nogal afstandelijk en zakelijk en z’n hart niet aansprak. Hij werd zo boos op me dat hij me 3 maanden niet wilde spreken. Na drie maanden was hij wel zo flink om me te bellen met de mededeling dat hij had ontdekt dat ik de waarheid had gesproken maar dat hij dat toen niet kon verdragen. De Bijbel zegt: ‘De waarheid zal je vrijmaken’, dat is zeker zo, maar ik voeg eraan toe: ‘De waarheid zal je vaak eerst woedend maken’.

Wim zei tegen me ‘Ik wil respect’ en toen confronteerde ik hem met het feit dat hij zichzelf niet eens respecteerde, omdat als hij dat wel zou doen niet om respect zou vragen. Hij werd woedend op me, hoe haalde ik het in m’n hoofd om dat te beweren. Ik vertelde hem van Lao tse die zei:’Ik hoef geen respect want ik respecteer mezelf’, dat maakte wel indruk op hem en hij kalmeerde toen wat, maar ik had toch de indruk dat hij m’n liefdevolle confrontatie niet erg op prijs stelde. Nietzsche zei: ‘Hoeveel waarheid kan een mens verdragen, aan hoeveel waarheid waagt hij zich’ en zo is het…

Vaak zullen we zien dat als we iemand confronteren met z’n gedrag hij al snel gaat uitverdedigen om z’n gelijk te halen in plaats van na te denken of er waarheid in je confrontatie zit, daar wil men helemaal net aan denken omdat je confrontatie hun geïdealiseerde zelfbeeld bedreigd en dat moet koste wat koste verdedigd worden…

 

Bron: Boek ‘Communicatie’ – Henny Bos (komt medio 2012 uit)

fury 2

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Codependents often repressed anger in them, who also can turn against themselves by gossip and a relentless inner critic that you say that you are not okay, are not good enough are a failure, etc.etc. The anger is repressed because we were not allowed to express our feelings in the dysfunctional family and the negative not at all on penalty of losing the "love" of our ancestors and that would mean our death, So we swallow everything and we repress our anger.

We're angry because we do not focus, erkenning, waardering, love and respect given that we had such a need. We're going to sublimate anger and exhibit passive-aggressive behavior by lying transverse, watching, make sarcastic remarks, humor have at the expense of the other, leedvermaak, To play devil's advocate, offend, denying attention, things to 'forget', the other 'gagging'(the silent treatment),you obnoxious act, you annoy quickly, deliver much criticism,etc.etc.

We project our repressed anger often on the other, we can then blame. Like we ensure that our other repressed anger plays out for us by making him or her hurt by our behavior and there to have fun and then the other to blame, self-reflection is alien to us, that's scary.

Thich Nhat Hanh schreef het boek 'je Omarm woede', that's good advice. Recognize that your anger is there and see it as a messenger that you bring a valuable message has, namely that you did not get your parents and is now trying to get out of vain. You can book your anger get you where you need also can give to yourself and be loving to yourself, Be a loving mother and father for yourself, who love you unconditionally for who you are and(Nietzsche zei: "Become who you are ').

Jung zei: "Who looks outside dreams and who looks inside awakens'. So look inside and see for yourself first and then see what's going on. Often we do have interest and attention for others but not for ourselves let alone for our inner child. In codependency is known to us inner child as treat our parents have treated us as children, the apple does not fall far from the tree. In my case it was his abandoned, do not get love and attention, not seen and that is true for many of us, I also learned when you have to take it outside, a destroyed, maar dat wist ik toen nog niet. Recognize the anger and transform the challenge into love and compassion for ourselves and our fellow man.

Here are two quotes about anger:

Spot is the rage of petty spirits – Alfred Lord Tennyson

Any anger is a sign of impotence. – Herwig Verleyen

Bron: Boek: "Anger Motivation & codependentie’ van Henny Bos, dat in 2012 of 2013 will appear.