Assertive questions

Assertieve communicatie

Duke Robinson writes in his book 'Too nice for your own good' about assertive communication. He gives the following example and also examples of what not to do.

Assertive:

"I would like it if you hold me for a while", of

"Would you hold me for a minute?"?’

Do not:

"I shouldn't have to ask you to hold me" (negative)

"Why don't you just hold me?!’ (negative and indirect)

"You should hold me in times like these" (moralistic)

“Loving people hold onto the one they love in times like these” (indirect and manipulative)

I'll add myself:

Do not:

"You never even hold me" (reproachfully, indirectly)

"Hold me right now!!’ (claiming, compelling)

"I saw someone holding their partner and that made me jealous because I don't have one" (indirectly, manipulatief)

"Take off your coat and comb your hair before you hold me" (controlling, claiming)

"Are you going to hold me because you want something from me?’ (suspicious, paranoia)

"If you hold me now, I will cook for you" (do business, bribe)

"If you don't hold me now I won't sleep with you tonight" (blackmail)

'A man walked into the market with a sign 'free hugs' I didn't even have to ask for it, always with you" (reproachfully)

"I want you to hold me now or I'm going to cry and scream" (playing victim, manipulative, threatening)