Care or control?

/by

Care or control?

I once had a consultation with a middle-aged couple. The couple started to argue in front of me. The man - clearly upset - turned to me and said: See what is happening? I care about her so much and this is what I get in return. ” To which his wife reacted furiously: “He doesn't care about me at all. He just wants to check on me!”
The husband's care was seen by his wife as controlling.

This incident got me thinking. What is caring and what is control? And how do you make the distinction? The answer became clear to me during an argument with my teenage daughter about an everyday parenting issue. Hard words had fallen back and forth, and we were both in tears.

A while later, when the emotions had subsided, we apologized to each other. My daughter hugged me and said: “Papa, do you know why you were upset? You weren't mad because I was doing it wrong, but you were angry because I did not take your advice. That's a big difference!”

I was amazed at her mature thinking; she had unknowingly answered my question. Under the guise of concern, I had tried to restrain her. That had been the cause of the conflict.


When I really care about someone, I will not get angry with that person. I will keep looking for different ways to help them.

When I'm struggling in a relationship I need to keep a close eye on subtle control hidden behind my apparent concern . Caring is an expression of love, while control is an expression of the ego.

Control removed. Care connects.

Control hurts. Care heals.

Keep taking care of people, but don't control them.

People are usually not wrong, they are just "different".

Keep worried… 😊

Larra Shah on Facebook, translated by Leontine van Mourik

Shadow work

/by

Shadow work
We get to know things through their opposite. So if we want to know the light we have to look to the dark for the shadow. Karin Bloemen said: "I only knew what light was, when it was turned off by you ". Jung zei: "We are not illuminated by proposing our light statures, but by becoming aware of our dark side ". Either the dark side.
Shadow sides often arose in our youth, then 9 of the 10 messages were negative, we push that into our subconscious, that is 10 times stronger than our conscious.
So without being aware of it, we allow ourselves to be led and suffer by fear, woede, hebzucht, wants to power, enmity with yourself, codependentie, selfishness and other negative and harmful states of mind.
Know that what irritates and annoys you and what you dislike in the other says a lot about your unconscious dark side!
I am certified in Shadow work and can help you turn the subconscious into conscious and fear, woede, etc with Love!
In about a year and a half 2.000 coached people over the phone and discovered that most unconsciously let fear and other negative moods lead and suffer, dus…..
Any part that we deny in ourselves, turns against us. We also tend to see our dark side in others, so projection.
The book Owning your own self by Robert Johnson is recommended.
The book Bringing your shadow out of the dark by Robert A Masters is also very good.
Udemy has good video courses on Shadow work.
Jung zei: "I'd rather be whole than good". Whole means embracing both day and night, both the light and the dark. Instead of wanting to be "good" hypocritically. Nietzsche zei: "Beware of the" good guys "because they are the most poisonous flies that sting". And there he has a point. When you confront such a "good one" with his dark side, so with truth, he will become furious and counterattack! Because you disturb his illusion of only being good!
Be the necessary devil for one, and a loving angel for the other, then you are whole and perfectly imperfect.

What people call normal is the result of projection, introjection, split, denial, angst, wants to power, repression and other destructive actions.
That is what I think is, because we do not want to see our shadow side and push it to our subconscious that is 10 times stronger than our conscious one. So we don't know what we're doing, as Jesus said on the cross: “Lord forgive them, for they know not what they do!

Once you accept the presence of your shadow, space is created for inner peace – Tsultrim Allione in Free Your Demons / Feeding your demons