Geraakt worden

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Ans vertelde me dat zo door muziek en/of films zo geraakt kan worden dat tranen gaan stromen, ik herkende dat heb dat ook en dan stroomt je gevoel en sta je open om je te laten raken en beroeren en ontroeren.

Door opvoeding en ervaring zijn veel mensen nogal geremd en bang om zich te laten raken. Ze zijn bang om weer gekwetst te worden en trekken muren om zich heen. Jan Foudraine schreef daar een boek over ‘de bunkerbouwers’. Deze mensen hebben een beschermende en afwerende houding en dan kun je niet openstaan en leren en dingen binnen laten komen. Het is zelfs zo dat als je geen open en lerende houding hebt je per definitie een beschermende en afwerende houding hebt. De bescherming was vroeger nodig om te overleven maar zit nu echt leven in de weg en vormt een blokkade op het gevoelsleven. Dan is angst de motiverende factor in plaats van liefde. In liefde wil je geraakt worden en durf je je kwetsbaar op te stellen en ga je voor intimiteit. Op z’n Engels is het Intimacy ofwel into-me-see.

Wat je het meest raakt zegt veel over je. Ik heb dat bij muziek, boeken en films, o.a. de film Spartacus en While you were sleeping om er een paar te noemen. Bij muziek van Crosby Stills & Nash voel ik ook veel en bij Johnny Cash, toen ik z’n nummer ‘hurt’ voor het eerst hoorde kwamen er tranen bij me, ook bij de muziek van Hildegard von Bingen, die puurheid en schoonheid, wat geweldig!. Dat wil ik dan ook zien te bereiken.

Ook ik ben vervormd door opleiding, opvoeding, conditioneringen en ervaring en mag terug naar de pure staat van zijn en e.e.a. transformeren naar een staat van onvoorwaardelijke liefde. Muziek, film, boeken, kunst, etc, helpen me daarbij. Als ik lees is dat niet alleen een mentale activiteit zoals iemand ooit beweerde, nee ik voel er ook heel veel bij en ervaar veel, leef me in.

Omdat ik opensta laat ik me heel soms ook op een onaangename manier raken, door demonen, energievampiers en monsters die de weg volkomen kwijt zijn en negatieve energie uitstralen en je proberen naar beneden te halen en af te kraken, heel destructief en niet fijn om te ervaren, maar leert me wel dat ik af en toe zelf ook niet zo’n lievertje ben en denk dan aan m’n uitspraak: ‘Als je de onvolkomenheid in de ander ziet denk dan eerst aan je eigen onvolkomenheid en werk daaraan’. Gandhi zei:’Wees zelf de verandering die je in de wereld wilt zien’ en dat is een ho’oponopono gedachte.

Het meest geraakt werd ik door m’n crisis in 1992, ik kreeg een psychose, depersonalisatie en ernstige depressie te verwerken, het zorgde ook voor een wedergeboorte. Johannes Tauler zei:’De pijnen van de crisis zijn de weeën van God’s geboorte in je’ en zo heb ik het ervaren. Ik dank God voor deze crisis die me veel bracht en gevoeliger maakte en weer tot leven wekte, er volgden vele transformaties. Het Chinese teken voor crisis is hetzelfde als dat voor veranderinfg en veranderingen heb ik sindsdien veel ondergaan met veel plezier. Leven is verandering.

De calciet

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I regularly buy gemstone globes and looked beautiful on the internet there was in it was a ijslandsveldspaatcalciet. When I'm receiving, I felt however that it was not right, I could not argue the, it was a feeling, I went in search of my stone book and saw a stone that was just mine and it was a honingcalciet and that felt good to me, He also had a honey color

To be quite sure, I went to Mr. Böhmer of the stone shop in Ulft and early: "What is this stone?'' That's an orange calcite "he said. I then said,: "Are you quite sure it's not honingcalciet?He looked again and said:"Damn you're right it is a honingcalciet" I felt that all the time and the great thing is that when I visited where honingcalciet appeared to state that it was having to rely on your feelings and that I had done so precisely, what a synchronicity!

Praatje met de cassière

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De cassière zei: ‘Ik heb zo’n jeuk’, waarop ik zei:’ Dan moet je krabsalade nemen’. Ze snapte de grap niet en zei: ‘moet ik dat er dan opsmeren’, een andere cassière lachte wel en zei:’Nee dombo, het is een grapje van die meneer, krab – salade

Begrip & codependentie

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Inayat Khan zei: "To understand everything, to love everything," so point out the great importance of understanding. Understand the fact that the other is thinking, feels and acts in a way, which he thinks is best for him at the moment. The understanding that the intention of most people is often good. We get what we need and if we don't want to learn or understand the lesson, it comes to us to an even greater extent.

Ben Bos gave a lecture and said that what presents itself is just like a robin tapping on our window, we don't pay attention to that and then the robin grows and becomes 30 cm and taps on our window again and that continues until the robin 2 meters and tapping our windows and then we have the crisis, we needed to come to an understanding, like I needed my crisis to find out my codependency and do something about it.

Cornelie, a woman in her late eighties is very understanding. I once asked her what her most important life lessons were, which she taught. She then said: "Let go and forgive and that is life's work". At that moment there were two books on my coffee table, one about letting go and one about forgiving. I have thanked God for this synchronicity and message.

The understanding we as a codependent muster for our partner is often much greater than the understanding we can muster for ourselves, the needs of the other are more important to us than our own.

There is a lot of misunderstanding in codependency, because we don't know ourselves, have no self-esteem, but value for others and that is the beginning of all misery.

The Dalai Lama shows compassionate understanding, even with the Chinese leader Mao, occupying Tibet. The Dalai Lama says that Mao is his greatest teacher of compassion. He is careful not to develop feelings of hatred towards Mao and thus poison his life. He does not let someone else determine his mood and attitude, what a codependent often does.

How can you understand when your feelings and thoughts are dominated by your ego and others?. Charles Whitfield mentions those characteristics in his definition of codependency. He says: "Codependency is when you put your happiness in the hands of your ego or others"

If you start to feel bad as a codependent, because your partner feels bad, there is no compassionate understanding, but there is pity and misunderstanding. We do not understand that our partner may have old pain, which has nothing to do with us. Many codependents then feel guilty and want to make the partner happy and think they have that power. We cannot make the other person happy, inspire and encourage and inspire and make you laugh, but we cannot change him, if we think so, we don't understand it very well.

Codependentie & ego

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The bigger your ego, the smaller your world

One of the definitions of codependency concerns the ego and say you do codependent as you guided by your ego and / or others. My ego still plays tricks on me and is not yet ready to surrender. You do it, There on the front door and he comes through the back door inside. Nietzsche knew that and said,:"Everywhere I go I am followed by a dog called Ego '

My girlfriend and partner Elly said about ego: e—-go, yeah that would be nice.

In codependency, you also have the urge to want to be required to. That's also me with the spoon-fed, make me useful, help in the butchery. If they do not need me I feel less good and this is a signal of codependency.

When you interdependence there should be just and it is good that you are useful, but your self-esteem that is independent from, You're not dependent, your value is intrinsically.

The ego wants power like that is codependent on vehicle. Its value depends on how others think about him and he is therefore every reason to control the other person's behavior and monitor. Nietzsche called the will to power of the ego. Why do you want power?. Because you feel deep inside powerless and not in your power. You always want what you do not. The patient wants to be healthy, the poor would be rich instead of accepting what is and learn from them.

The ego makes you wise you can not function without him, you need it to survive. It is a lie that is so thick that you turned it goes beliefs and ego servant remain instead of the ego is your servant.

The ego tells you smarter, intelligent, etc. are then the other. 80% the Dutch think you have an above average intelligence!. The ego can also play the other extreme for you because you're not okay, are not good enough and he sends your inner critic that often plays a role in codependents.

There is a happy mean the Buddha pointed. Codependency is something of the extremes and that is pathologically. Codependents generally have a low self-esteem, feel less than others and find the opinion of others about them more important than their own opinion of himself, that too is again ego, never satisfied. Roy Martina called satisfaction a coma and that says a lot about the ego of the NEI-man.

For now I have a lot to ask of my ego as recovering codependent.