Donker en licht

I knew a man I'll call Charles. Charles lived in dark country and that fascinated me. He had a negative werdeldbeeld and did not realize that his image of the world was a mirror of how it was with him. I spoke to him again and he said to me,: "You speak beautiful and loving words but it's too light for me it dazzles me '

Jung zei: "We are not illuminated by proposing our light figures but we are aware of our dark ones sides'…And that is something most of us do not aanwillen and shrink, they fight against the dark and do not realize that it makes it stronger. Fighting the dark is counterproductive and does not help, you must turn on the light of your consciousness.

A man just sang on the radio: "It has never been so dark if it will be light again ', Also notable is that I Siem which daily sends me a text today received the text: "To meet me you must go through the dark .."

Prisoners held for decades in the dark were freed and were, like Charles, blinded by the light and wanted to return to their prison, they were accustomed, and that goes for many of us, We are so accustomed to the dark that we have become afraid of the light.

Each showcasing its own dark shadow. A man wanted to escape his shadow and ran faster and faster, but the shadow kept him easily at, he ran harder and harder until he fell down dead. If he had chosen to have been resolved to stand in the shade was his problem

A day consists of a day and a night of light and dark it is not either / or but both / and that's the reality. Someone can still be such a shining example if he has a dark side and a person can be so bad if he has a slight, bright side. Inayat Khan also pointed out that in order to be able to see the good and bad and bad is good. The yin / yang symbol is clearly displayed.

We can appreciate the light only when it is dark. If someone is blind he wants back into the light in his eyes and he regretted that he had not previously appreciated and was grateful for it.

The darkness is only the absence of light. You can only turn the lights on and take off and many people forget to do it in their lives, Like Charles, they live than in deep country and complain that off so that instead of self-responsibility for their lives and take themselves lightly.

A man was in the dark from a distance 5 kilometers to a village. He saw nothing and asked for a way to help., The sage gave him a lamp two meters before the man uitscheen. "But two meters," said the man "I need 5 kilometer walk, it is much too little light '. The sage said: "The light will always be two meters in front of you and go with you and that's enough". You have very little light to continue the dark. The dark is unconscious and ignorant that is many times bigger than the conscious. You really just a little consciousness to travel through the unconscious just as the man with the lamp.

The day always begins with the dark of the night, first goes through the day the dark back and then the light is. This also applies to the human development, Also you must first acknowledge and heal your dark sides can break through to the light. You learn things usually known by their opposites. So if you want to know the light, you must first know the dark. So-called light workers forget the usefulness of the darkness and walk so on one leg. It is not light or dark, but light and dark.

Here are some quotes about darkness and light

When it gets dark, do you often light to pass – Henny Bos

Jung zei: "We are not illuminated by proposing our light statures, but we are aware of our dark side '

My keyboard is now backlit, Now I nog..Henny Forest

Fighting against the darkness does not help, you have to put in only the light…Henny Bos

"I understood what was only slightly, when it was turned off by you 'sings Karin Boemen

Those who do not perceive the darkness will never find the light. – H.Th. Buckle

The truth dazzles, as well as the light. The lie, however, is a beautiful twilight that does good come out each object. – Albert Camus

Where much light is falling deep shade. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There is no change from darkness to light, from standstill to movement, unemotional. – Carl Gustav Jung

Black is black and light full color – Henny Bos

The light does never before dark, maar het donker wijkt altijd voor het licht – Comenius

 

Ik ben een gever, geen nemer

If during our upbringing not meet our need for love, erkenning, waardering, attention, warmte, nurturing, respect, etc. We will draw met often conclude that we are not worthy…

It is not in us to say that our parents fail or are unable to fulfill our needs. So we added our best to, by lot to give, still get our needs met and if that fails, we conclude that we should forget our needs but then we focus on the needs of others which are more important to us than our own needs, typical codependent.

Ingeborg Bosch PRI(Past Reality Integration) states that "Denial of needs is a defense of old pain, which is not healed. She also claims that to heal the hardest defenses because we say that the us is very good as savior / helper of others and that the others have much worse than we and our help so desperately need, we feel powerful than we are auxiliary bidder. We efface ourselves away and there you have the codependency. Your self-esteem is dependent on how much you give to others, only then you start to feel good and "good about yourself '. You usually attracted to people with problems, you can help and then you feel into your power, if you can do anything. You are a savior and helper thinks he can change the other by what we do for him. You thus become a doer(sometimes even a real work-a-holic) and forget what Americans say: ’We are human beings, not human doings’.

One important lesson we can learn is that we be worthy to receive, but for this we must first love, attention, waardering, etc give ourselves. As long as we do not, and are unloving to ourselves we will be mirrored in it in our relationship and not really be loved but used. Many people use people and love to do things instead of people love and use things.

Do not try to get outside as the codependent tries to do, it is the way in and then you can love others as yourself…

I was afraid…

If you think in terms of 'I was afraid of that' you are pushing your happiness away, because fear usually attracts the feared. When I signed out of a friend's lecture he didn't say: 'What a pity, I had really counted on you and was glad you would come' but 'I was afraid of that already..' He expected it from me and I unknowingly responded and met his expectations.

The Shy Boy Who's Afraid of Rejection, will hint that if he asks a girl out. That girl will have the fear, feel doubt and uncertainty and reject him and then he says: "I was already afraid of that..."

Fear is the great counterpart of love, if you love then you are not afraid to be rejected and you will be accepted more often and get a yes to your question or request.

When I was still married my wife was very afraid that she would break precious crockery and so she broke a lot. Once we got old and ugly crockery from my parents and we didn't care if it broke and we threw it while washing the dishes and nothing broke….

If you're afraid you'll get sick, your resistance decreases and there is a greater chance of illness and that your fears become reality.

If you are afraid of something you become very insecure and you start to doubt. Ik zeg altijd: "When in doubt, don't overtake". Regilio Tuur said: "1% doubt is 100% failure'. If you doubt and are insecure, the other will feel it. He will realize that in order to believe in yourself you need his confirmation and therefore respect you less and see you as dependent and not as equal and you were already afraid of that.

The church says: “Fear the Lord thy God”. I say: “Love God as He Loves You”

Don't be afraid of the other person's opinion of you, what the other says about you, says more about him than about you.

I once got a job applicant who was in 5 more than a year 10 had jobs, I made a comment about that and he immediately said: "I was afraid of that already", that's why I keep getting rejected' and so he rejected himself and didn't see my question as a request for more information.

Gedachten hebben de neiging zich te materialiseren. So are fearful thoughts..

pdf interview Paravisie

I came up with the idea of ​​requesting a PDF of an article in Paravisie. It concerns an interview by Yvonne Polman with me about codependency. A CD of this interview has also been released, which is distributed with Yvonne's permission. The recording takes a long time 1 hours and gives a lot more information than is in the article. Yvonne asked good questions and managed to get a lot of useful information out of me. The CD requires an investment of 10 euro incl.verzendkosten

Here the pdf file: paravision article 2010

get out of your comfort

The greatest enemy of your human potential is your comfort zone…

You can only achieve the art of living and happiness if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone, what you're attached to because it's so familiar, you often hold on to it even though it's not that great. you think: "I know what I have now and not what I'm getting.". So you are afraid of the unknown, where only the known could scare you. Fear is also a bad counselor.

I have published a brochure called: ‘Hoe gaat het?’, with a qualitative research into what people answer when asked how they are doing. At first most people say 'good', if you keep asking, answers like: 'I can not complain'(no party so), "It's okay"(not very great either) and 'Nothing special'(if life is not particularly!). They are in the comfort zone of not very good and not very bad.

Often things first have to go very badly in the form of an illness or crisis in order for people to repent, as happened to me..

There is a story of a woman, with which things did not go well she went for advice to a sage and he said to her:“Let go of the bad in you and replace it with the good”. The woman did and after a while came back to the sage to thank him, to her surprise the sage then said: Now let go of the good and replace it with the great. She did that too and after a while she was fine and she went back to the sage to thank him. To her astonishment the sage now said:"Let go of the great too and replace it with the magisterial", divine'. There is a reason in the Bible: "Know ye not that ye are gods"?’, so no, otherwise we would all be artists of life and happy.

We often stick to fair to good. In a course I attended, participants were asked to rate their quality of life in school, most of them only got a six, a few came with a 7 and they thought there was no more. We only use 5% van ons potentieel, so there's a lot more in it. Wayne Dyer said very nicely: 'Don't die with your music still in you….’.

 

Bron: Book 'Art of Living & geluk’ – Henny Bos (will end 2012)