The consequences of codependency

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Codependency tends to become stronger and to increase when there is nothing to do, The consequences are dramatic. You are then at the mercy of others that lets you decide how you feel and what you do, You then have another value and alienate you from your true self.

You play constantly to the needs of others with disregard for your own needs and then gives feelings of discontent, anger and victimization, you feel powerless and sacrifice yourself for others, You are a martyr.

Consequences are loss of your Self, your self-esteem, you have become an extension of the other and himself so nothing. You feel helpless and that creates anger that you dare not express for fear of the reaction of the other. That pent-up anger can lead to depression and you have yourself no idea what the cause of your depression is so poor your self-knowledge and self-understanding.

You feel lived and hunted by others and circumstances and that makes weather stress, the main cause of many diseases, because your resistance increases dramatically down. an ulcer, heart problems, migraine, etc. may be the result.

Because you feel powerless and have no self-esteem often do not have the courage to change your circumstances and denotes clamp. There is a blockade on change, a fear of losing the familiar, even though it hurts you know so much, you think you can do anything.

The consequences of codependency are also a growing loss of self-esteem, it can even be self-contempt without that we have in mind because we play good weather and keep fooling ourselves and others that there kicking.

The codependent is so on the other directed that there is no question of self-reflection. There is an external locus of control that keeps to itself to take responsibility for your life and your happiness.

Codependent as you think you can make the other person happy. The book by Robin Norwood called translated into Dutch "If he is fortunate," and that says it all. That does not, of course, makes you lose faith in yourself, you lose your confidence and feel powerless and resentful and seek power and control because you do not think about yourself have.

Klootzak

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I can't help but judge every now and then and find someone an asshole. I was with an acquaintance that I will call Karel. He got a phone call and I heard him say:"Yes, she would like me to call her and of course I won't, ha ha ha .. '. I immediately thought "what a sadist and what a bastard that is".

One woman said about a man who hanged himself: "Den it itself" nothing strict about it, ha ha ha "I had to think then" what a demon, laugh at the misery of the other, what an asshole', I then quickly ran away. Bastards have fun and enjoy showing others' misery instead of loving compassion.

A courier I knew once came to drink tea with me. He showed no interest in the many things in my room that I pointed out to him, not even for my clocks, where I know he collects clocks, he wasn't interested in mine. He seemed envious and then said aptly:"All people are selfish" with contempt in his voice, what a selfish bastard I thought then. It took me two days to use smudge and incense to get rid of this man's negative energy.

I told a woman that I was writing a book about anger motivation: "Oh you know all about that!"Said that nice thing, like I'm always furious, what a bastard I thought then, but kept asking me that it didn't sound so nice to me, she laughed and liked that I didn't like it so much and reluctantly said "you must have studied it", waarop ik zei: "That already sounds much better". This woman likes to piss me off so as not to feel her own anger, let me play it out, a demon that is, a bastard, I don't want any contact with someone like that .. I don't close my eyes to misery, but don't think I should look it up either..

A man said to Arthur, a young and poor friend of mine: "Do you want to work". Arthur wanted to and would like to earn some extra money. He worked 5 hour hard for the man and then received a tenner in his hands as a reward. What an asshole and exploiter I thought then and got very angry with the man, only later did I understand that it was Arthur's problem and that he should have asked beforehand what he earned from it…

I heard from a woman who had sexual problems with men that a "therapist" told her that only he could help her, that they have him 100 had to give euros and then deduct and then her problem would be solved. She did that too naively she was, and I thought then what a charlatan that therapist, what a bastard to abuse such trust .., afterwards I could also laugh about it..

At a fair in Belgium I met a neo-Nazi who showed me a photo of a dead Negro on his jeep. "I had to kill him because he wouldn't pay me". What a racist bastard I thought then and quickly walked on.

I also know the bastard in myself, although it is not dominantly present, it does occur occasionally and I can be blunt and offensive and then I use ho'oponopono again to purify and heal myself .. it is life's work….

Remember, even an asshole has friends…

 

Geraakt worden

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Ans vertelde me dat zo door muziek en/of films zo geraakt kan worden dat tranen gaan stromen, ik herkende dat heb dat ook en dan stroomt je gevoel en sta je open om je te laten raken en beroeren en ontroeren.

Door opvoeding en ervaring zijn veel mensen nogal geremd en bang om zich te laten raken. Ze zijn bang om weer gekwetst te worden en trekken muren om zich heen. Jan Foudraine schreef daar een boek over ‘de bunkerbouwers’. Deze mensen hebben een beschermende en afwerende houding en dan kun je niet openstaan en leren en dingen binnen laten komen. Het is zelfs zo dat als je geen open en lerende houding hebt je per definitie een beschermende en afwerende houding hebt. De bescherming was vroeger nodig om te overleven maar zit nu echt leven in de weg en vormt een blokkade op het gevoelsleven. Dan is angst de motiverende factor in plaats van liefde. In liefde wil je geraakt worden en durf je je kwetsbaar op te stellen en ga je voor intimiteit. Op z’n Engels is het Intimacy ofwel into-me-see.

Wat je het meest raakt zegt veel over je. Ik heb dat bij muziek, boeken en films, o.a. de film Spartacus en While you were sleeping om er een paar te noemen. Bij muziek van Crosby Stills & Nash voel ik ook veel en bij Johnny Cash, toen ik z’n nummer ‘hurt’ voor het eerst hoorde kwamen er tranen bij me, ook bij de muziek van Hildegard von Bingen, die puurheid en schoonheid, wat geweldig!. Dat wil ik dan ook zien te bereiken.

Ook ik ben vervormd door opleiding, opvoeding, conditioneringen en ervaring en mag terug naar de pure staat van zijn en e.e.a. transformeren naar een staat van onvoorwaardelijke liefde. Muziek, film, boeken, kunst, etc, helpen me daarbij. Als ik lees is dat niet alleen een mentale activiteit zoals iemand ooit beweerde, nee ik voel er ook heel veel bij en ervaar veel, leef me in.

Omdat ik opensta laat ik me heel soms ook op een onaangename manier raken, door demonen, energievampiers en monsters die de weg volkomen kwijt zijn en negatieve energie uitstralen en je proberen naar beneden te halen en af te kraken, heel destructief en niet fijn om te ervaren, maar leert me wel dat ik af en toe zelf ook niet zo’n lievertje ben en denk dan aan m’n uitspraak: ‘Als je de onvolkomenheid in de ander ziet denk dan eerst aan je eigen onvolkomenheid en werk daaraan’. Gandhi zei:’Wees zelf de verandering die je in de wereld wilt zien’ en dat is een ho’oponopono gedachte.

Het meest geraakt werd ik door m’n crisis in 1992, ik kreeg een psychose, depersonalisatie en ernstige depressie te verwerken, het zorgde ook voor een wedergeboorte. Johannes Tauler zei:’De pijnen van de crisis zijn de weeën van God’s geboorte in je’ en zo heb ik het ervaren. Ik dank God voor deze crisis die me veel bracht en gevoeliger maakte en weer tot leven wekte, er volgden vele transformaties. Het Chinese teken voor crisis is hetzelfde als dat voor veranderinfg en veranderingen heb ik sindsdien veel ondergaan met veel plezier. Leven is verandering.

De calciet

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I regularly buy gemstone globes and looked beautiful on the internet there was in it was a ijslandsveldspaatcalciet. When I'm receiving, I felt however that it was not right, I could not argue the, it was a feeling, I went in search of my stone book and saw a stone that was just mine and it was a honingcalciet and that felt good to me, He also had a honey color

To be quite sure, I went to Mr. Böhmer of the stone shop in Ulft and early: "What is this stone?'' That's an orange calcite "he said. I then said,: "Are you quite sure it's not honingcalciet?He looked again and said:"Damn you're right it is a honingcalciet" I felt that all the time and the great thing is that when I visited where honingcalciet appeared to state that it was having to rely on your feelings and that I had done so precisely, what a synchronicity!

Praatje met de cassière

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De cassière zei: ‘Ik heb zo’n jeuk’, waarop ik zei:’ Dan moet je krabsalade nemen’. Ze snapte de grap niet en zei: ‘moet ik dat er dan opsmeren’, een andere cassière lachte wel en zei:’Nee dombo, het is een grapje van die meneer, krab – salade